


I Only Tried To Protect You

by L_Stylinson246



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, lourry stylinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:19:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Stylinson246/pseuds/L_Stylinson246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry left One Direction six years ago. And since then he's blamed himself for all the pain he had caused, but he's determined to fix it. And Louis? Louis is still learning what love is and how to grow up and is still trying to find out what Harry needs. Can they stay together through all their problems?</p><p>Or are they incompatible?</p><p>Are they even meant to be together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, Loves, this story is totally rushed (as you will see when you continue reading it). The chapters are short (I know) and the plot isn't fully developed and maybe I'm a shit writer, but this is the best I could do with the limited time I have. 
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> Please leave whatever comments you feel are necessary, I don't care if they are harsh, I can take it I guess. I love all of you and I hope the story isn't too shit.
> 
> Thanks XXXXXXX.

1.

There will always be room to grow, there will always be a step taken backwards. There will always be justice, there will always be unfairness. There will always be acceptance, there will always be rejection. There will always be men, there will always be women. There will always be hate, there will always be love. Everything balances itself out. Harry doesn't understand why he's thinking about this, in this moment. Maybe he's trying to find a reason for things that happen. A reason why bad things happen to good people and why good things happen to bad people. He's come to the conclusion that life is unfair and that nothing is his fault, it's destiny that creates sadness. But, he doesn't believe it because he knows. He knows it was his fault. Maybe not one hundred percent, but he was a major part of it.

So here he was, driving home, thinking about everything that happened four, almost five years ago. Had it really been that long? Harry sighed. No, he was over it. He was. He shouldn't be thinking about it. He smiled and parked the car. It was his mother's birthday and he was going to act like any other day. Sometimes he had depressing days, but he was determined to push his feelings and thoughts aside for his mother. Harry talked to his mom for a while on the phone and, when she asked him to go to the store for drinks, he listened. As he was walking inside, he made sure to cover his head with his hood. No one would notice him and that was the point. As he was in the soda aisle, he bumped into the man standing in front of him. He hadn't meant to. He grabbed the soda and didn't see him in the aisle, so when he stood up, he bumped him.

"Hey, lad, I'm sorry I was-" Harry shut up.

There stood, in front of Harry, Zayn Malik. He looked like his old self, wearing ragged, black jeans, like always. A black t-shirt was thrown over his chest and his eyes seemed dark. He was tired. He was worn. Harry remembered vividly what their life was like; always on the go, never sleeping, stressing. He didn't look great, but he seemed to be getting on with life ok.

Harry didn't do anything, but stand there, looking at Zayn, who also stood there, assessing Harry. So, Harry waited until he was done. He wasn't sure what to expect from Zayn. He could probably yell, or be chill, but Harry had no idea. He was unpredictable.

"Harry," was all Zayn said.

Harry flinched, expecting Zayn to yell at him, to accuse him of all the pain that went on, to remind him of the memories. "Zayn, I'm sorry." Harry said and he wasn't totally sure if he was apologizing for everything or just for bumping into him.

Zayn had a snarky smile on his face. "Yeah, ok." He started to turn away.

Harry panicked and quickly ran to Zayn. He needed to know. He couldn't just leave it at that, he needed to know how much pain he was still causing or if he was even causing pain still. "Zayn, wait." He grabbed his shoulder. Zayn flinched away from his hand.

"What?" Zayn asked, clearly annoyed, but still curious to what Harry wanted or needed.

Harry felt the lump in his throat before he even spoke. He could tell that tears would form. "How...how are you doing? You ok, yeah?"

"I'm terrific. It's great to be competing against someone who was like a brother to me. Just grand chap." Zayn rolled his eyes.

Harry didn't really know what to say. Yes, he had broken away from all four of the boys, but it was for the best. He didn't like competing against them, it was just the way things were. They had their fans, and he had his. "Zayn, I..."

"What Harry? You don't like competing against us? Sure, that's why you decided to go solo." Zayn was obviously going for the guilt trip and he had every right. Harry had never explained himself or his actions, so it was predictable that Zayn would be confused. Harry felt selfish and like a total dick, but there was nothing he could do about it. It was over and done with, now, all Harry could hope for was a friendly, maybe even close acquaintanceship. No, he wouldn't even hope for that.

Harry slouched his shoulders. "Zayn, I didn't want this to go like this. I was so fed up. I just couldn't..."

"Maybe I didn't understand, but it would have been fucking better to know why, to at least let him know why you left, why you deserted us, why you abandoned him, why you were such a fucking dirt bag to him. Why Harry? Why?! Fuck! You ruined everything, everyone." Zayn was shaking his head, trying to regain control of himself.

Harry couldn't believe he had the nerve to ask Zayn this after he had just went off on him. "How... How is he?" 

"It's been five years Harry. Five years and he's still not ok. Sure, he may act like he is, but we all can see it." Zayn growled.

Harry could feel it all now. He felt the pain he had been holding back. All the feelings he had kept inside, not wanting or letting anyone know what was going on with him. He wanted to hurt himself countless times, and he had occasionally. He cried a lot still, and this moment was another one. He felt the tear roll down his face, then another, then another. He wiped his face. He thought it was all over, he had never realized that he was holding all these emotions inside. His heart was telling him he needed to let it out, cry for however long he needed to, but he was too stubborn. He was believing a lie, convincing himself he was all right. People and movies could deceive everyone, making love seem like a dream, a reachable, perfect fantasy, but Harry knew what love did to people. Love was destruction and pain. That's all he had ever felt when he was with Louis. If love was a fantasy, then the pain that tagged along was reality, waking everyone up from there lousy dreams. Harry understood this now.

Harry looked back at Zayn, to see that his face had softened, realizing that Harry felt it to. "Zayn, if there was something else I could have done..."

"Don't Harry. You and I both know you didn't have to do this to him. Didn't you realize how much he fucking loved you? Shit, how much you both loved each other? You fucked up... You really fucked up, Harry." Zayn's voice was filled with pain and Harry didn't realize that he had affected everyone, not just Lou.

Lou. Lou. Lou. The word was so familiar, so comfortable. Waiting and sitting on his lips, waiting for Harry to just say it out loud. Waiting for him to scream it to the world. He couldn't though. He just couldn't. He was the one that left, he was the one that ruined things. It was his fault. "Zayn, I didn't mean to hurt him. If you knew what happ-" Harry started, but then shut his mouth, not wanting to take advantage of the situation, not wanting Zayn to turn on Louis.

"But you fucking knew what it would do to him Harry, so don't try to act all sweet and innocent. You can act like the great guy in front of the press, but the boys know." Zayn was closing in on Harry.

"Zayn... I... I don't know what to do..." Harry said the words that had been scaring him for six years. He never knew what to do and that's why he had screwed everything up. He was scared, and, even though he was twenty-one, he was still a young man, learning life. He was scared of his decisions. He was so scared that he had let Modest ruin his life. Sure, no one knew about it except the fans that realized the real lies he was living.

Zayn laughed. "There's nothing you can do. The best thing is to let him get on with it. He's better, doing better. He'll get back to normal."

Harry ran a hand through his hair and then down his face. "Has he...has he..." Harry can't bring himself to ask. He doesn't have the right to ask, but he wants to know. He thought he was done with this, but he can't him off his mind now. Never.

Zayn froze. He seemed to soften again. "Hazza..."

Harry could tell by the tone of his voice that Harry didn't want to hear this. Harry didn't need to know this. "Zayn, just... I know I've been the biggest fucking dick, but..."

"No." Zayn whispered.

Harry sighed. It was bad that Harry was happy that Lou hadn't had a serious relationship. He should want him to be happy, but, to be honest, Harry was excited. "So... How are the boys?"

Zayn seemed to slip back into a comfortable atmosphere. "They're grand. Actually, they're in the car. You could... if you wanted to..."

Harry hesitated. Could he handle more accusations? "Maybe I shouldn't..."

"ZAYN!" An Irish voice yelled. Harry could see him coming down the aisle and attack Zayn. Zayn's mood flipped a switch then and was a goofy, loving boy. Everyone was fond of Niall, you couldn't be mad or sad around that kid. Harry could see the brotherly love present in the atmosphere and he felt as if he was interrupting it, he didn't belong here. He needed to leave, needed to get out of here before the tears started falling.

"Get the fuck off me you little shit." Zayn laughed, obviously not mad.

Niall smiled, but listened to Zayn. "You were taking so long and you know how ancy I get waiting, so I decided to come look for you. And-" He had glanced at Harry briefly, but that was all it took for him to become silent. Niall wasn't going to lash out on Harry, which Harry knew, but he wasn't comfortable, he was guarded around Harry.

"Hey." Niall said and then walked down the aisle, not taking another glance back at Harry, and then he was gone.

Harry sobbed right there. Niall had been a younger brother, the one he had set the example for. Harry had taken the job of becoming his role model and to see that the kid didn't even acknowledge him was heartbreaking. Harry cried harder, knowing the pain he had caused Niall, his brother, his close friend. Zayn saw what it did to Harry and couldn't help but put a reassuring arm around his shoulder, this made Harry cry even harder though, because it showed that Zayn still cared. They all still cared obviously, or it wouldn't be hard to greet each other or hang out still.

"Harry, it's ok."

Harry got mad at those words. He had heard everyone telling him that over and over for six lousy years and it was a lie. No, no one was ever ok, and if they were, there was surely going to come a time when they weren't; when they would experience the pain, the heartbreak, the loss, the death.

"Don't lie to me Zayn. You never used to lie to me." Harry pushed Zayn's arm away gentle.

He sighed. "Harry, he's just..."

"Disappointed, lonely, broken, hurting, dying." Harry replied. "Zayn, don't lie to me. I can see it in his face, in his voice, in his eyes. I know that kid like no one else. I need to talk to him. Need to make things right." Harry answered.

"Don't think that's the best thing mate. Sorry, look, I have to go. Maybe I'll see you around. Let's just go back to the way things have been ok?" Zayn was already leaving before Harry could reply.

Harry wiped his face and threw his hood over his head and walked out. Crap. He had forgotten the drinks, but he honestly didn't feel like going to his moms party right now. He couldn't. She would understand, so he texted her, saying that he was feeling sick and he was super sorry. Harry drove to his house, typing in the code for the gate when he got there. He unlocked the front door after parking and climbed upstairs to his bedroom.

It was empty. It was all empty. His life had no meaning, no explanation, no story. It is what it is, he thought. There's nothing he could change and this was the way it was going to be. He was going to live in this empty house, with these colorless walls, caged inside his room. He pulled the covers over his face and switched the TV on.

"...on Harry Styles?" the interviewer was asking.

The camera switched to none other than Louis Tomlinson, the boy that Harry was trying not to think about.

Louis looked tired. "Yes, he's a lovely lad."

"So, nothing to say on him? We had heard there was a thing going on between you two a couple years back, is it true?" the interviewer smiled and leaned towards Louis.

Louis laughed. "Gosh, we haven't seen each other in six years. But, anyways, I'm pretty sure he's happy with whoever he's dating now."

He hadn't denied it. Harry laughed at this because he remembered all the interviews they had done together, giving the audience obvious hints to their relationship, and never denying it. It had killed Harry, but it was funny now, because Louis was still the same, not denying, neither confirming questions about them. Always skipping around it somehow. Louis had always been good at that; that's why Harry was never allowed to answer the Larry questions, he was a bad actor.

"So, you've never had feelings for each other?"

Louis hesitated. "Of course I did."

Harry froze. Was this it? What Louis going to come out and ruin their careers? After six years, was this the time? Harry was still frozen on his bed, waiting.

"We were best friends you know? Obviously I loved my mate. I loved all of them."

The interviewer seemed disappointed. "Oh, well, what about now? You said you guys don't talk anymore. Would you like to still be friends? You boys are competing against each other, but that never means you cannot like each other."

"I guess," was all Louis said.

Harry was on the edge of the bed. He couldn't take this, so he switched off the TV. He couldn't take any of it. Why was he such a fuck up? Why had he hurt everyone he loved? He didn't understand. He had loved his four best mates. Management was the one who had done this, who had fucked them all up. Nobody realized how hard it was to be famous, to have your life planned for you. No, no one knew. Harry and Louis had thought the X-Factor was going to help them, they would always be on the road together, they would be doing what they loved. Where had things gone wrong?

Harry just couldn't sit anymore. He grabbed his black pea coat and car keys. He didn't really know where he was going until he pulled up to the house. It was so familiar, so bright. The lights were on inside, Harry could see someone moving throughout the room. Harry sighed and then opened his car door. Walking up to the front door, he noticed that there was a picture that he could see through the window. It was a tiny picture on the fireplace, but, to Harry, it signified something so much bigger. Inside the frame was a picture of Niall and him, at the fair. They had churros and popcorn. Around their necks they had glow sticks and they were hugging each other. Harry pretty much died in that second. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Coming!" An Irish voice yelled.

Harry felt like sobbing. He heard the footsteps and was almost tempted to run away, but the door opened to soon.

Niall's natural smile fell. He wouldn't look at Harry, he wouldn't speak to him, he wouldn't even acknowledge him.

"Niall." Harry whispered. It was a breath of relief.

Niall finally looked at Harry, and he could tell that he was trying not to cry, but Harry knew. Harry knew the pain that he was feeling. He was so familiar with it.

"Harry." Niall spoke.


	2. Chapter 2:

2.

What did he expect? A welcoming, loving hug? He probably should have been expecting Niall to be distant and uncomfortable, but it had never been like that. Niall had always clung to Harry, always looked up to Harry, always wanted to be with Harry. And Harry had always liked feeling as if he had a brother, but now...It was different. Everything was different because of him.

"Hey." Harry felt stupid as soon as the words came out, but what was he to say? It was hard, so so hard. He was talking to someone that seemed like a ghost. No, this was not the Niall he remembered.

"Niall, look. I know...I know I left you. I abandoned you. I disappeared on you. I know I did that and I know it was all my fault, but... I regret it. Gosh, Niall, you don't know how much I fucking regret it. I know that there is no way that we could be that close, or anything close to that, but if you let me, I'd like... I don't know... I just..." Harry finally looked up at Niall. He had tears flowing down his face, like a river, flowing. Niall was trying to wipe his eyes, but that just made them red.

Niall sobbed, but then held his breath. "I don't know you Harry... You just left... and... I had no one. I mean, the boys were there, but you were... Gosh Harry, you were you. No one could have replaced you. I looked up to you and I honestly wanted to be like you. You set the example for me, but who wants to look up to someone who just gave up? Who wants to be the person that leaves his loved ones behind? No, I didn't wanna be like that Harry." Niall was wiping his nose on his sleeve and Harry couldn't stop his instincts from pulling Niall's sleeve away from his nose.

"I thought I taught you to use a napkin." Harry wiped his eyes.

Niall looked at the ground. "You also taught me to take the easy way out."

Harry cried. He fell to his knees and then on the ground. He sat there, crying harder when Niall sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him. Harry used to do that to him when Niall cried over not seeing his family for months, or falling too hard for a girl. Harry had been the grown up, the one to comfort, and seeing Niall do his job just made the tears come faster. Niall had grown up in the past five years and Harry realized that he had missed it.

"It's ok Harry. I... I forgive you." Niall whispered.

That did nothing to help the emotions Harry was feeling. Somehow, Harry ended up in Niall's house, waiting on the couch while Niall got snacks and hot chocolate. Harry had always found his home comfortable, that's why he had liked visiting Niall the most. Niall had pictures up on the walls of the boys, all not including Harry except one. It hurt and stung, but Harry deserved it. Niall had nice, light brown furniture filling the living room and a nice flat screen TV up above the fireplace. It was great. Harry felt at home, but he knew when Niall got back, things would be awkward.

Niall turned the corner and walked in. "I didn't put too many marshmallows in yours, I know you don't like them that much."

Harry smiled. "Thanks, mate."

Niall sat across from Harry, falling into the plush sofa. "So."

"Yes?" Harry looked towards him, ready for the interrogation.

"You left." Niall started.

Harry slowly put his hot chocolate down and stood up. He walked towards the fireplace, where the picture of Niall and him was sitting. "This was my favorite picture of us ya know."

"Yeah, that's why I kept it. The boys wanted me to take it down..." He added the last part, considering that it might hurt Harry.

Harry sighed. "Yeah, that's understandable."

"What's confusing is that they all hated you when they didn't even know why you left. I mean, I didn't like you for a while, but I never hated you." Niall was fiddling with his fingers, obviously uncomfortable bringing up the guys when they weren't there. "That's always confused me too though. I don't get why."

"There was so much more than you knew. I was going through so much Niall..." Harry trailed off. No, the lump in his throat was coming back, but he couldn't cry now. He was about to admit to Niall what happened. Everything that he was feeling, everything he was living, all the lies. Real eyes only realized real lies.

"Harry, you know for a fact that we were all going through shit too. I mean, you could have come to me, or... or..." Niall hesitated.

Harry decided to finish for him, "or Lou?"

"We don't call him that anymore..." Niall sighed and seemed genuinely hurt by the statement.

Harry was confused. He had never called Louis anything but Lou. That was just the way things were. It had been awkward calling Louis by his real name. Lou had never liked it either, so it was a shock to hear that he didn't like his nickname anymore. "What? Why?"

Niall shrugged. "I know it has to do with you. He's never exactly explained why. One day I just walked into his house, screamed 'hey Lou!" and he lost it. Threw a couple of plates and kept saying 'my name is Louis, my name is fucking Louis!" After that, we never said anything about it."

Louis had broken plates, gone on a rampage, because of the nickname. Harry needed to know how bad Lou was. Or how bad he had been. How much he had hurt him. Honestly, Harry wanted to know how much pain Lou went through because he wanted to make sure he himself went through it too, to even things out. Harry had repeatedly used and reused the knife in his drawer, or the razor in his shower, or even a piece of paper. He had always hurt himself the first year. It didn't really help, but Harry knew that at least he was feeling some pain. He felt as if he deserved the pain. And maybe he did, right?

"Niall... I want you to tell me... Tell me about Lou." Harry stuttered, forcing the words out of his mouth.

Niall shook his head. "I don't wanna remember. It's too painful Harry. You don't wanna know. You honestly don't."

Harry fell onto the sofa and looked Niall in the eyes. "I need to know, Niall."

Niall hesitated and then a flicker washed through his eyes. "If you tell me why."

Harry immediately nodded because he had intended to tell Niall anyways. "Niall," Harry started. "First, let me apologize to you. I'm sorry. When I left, I knew what I was doing to you, but I didn't acknowledge it right away. So, I'm sorry that I abandoned you. I'm sorry for all the shit I've caused. I'm sorry for everything.

"I want to tell you everything Niall, I do, but some of it might be too... I don't know, but I'll try. You deserve to know. I guess... I guess it started when Louis and Eleanor went public." Harry flinched at the memory. The magazines, the press, the interviews. "I knew Lou didn't want to. I knew that, but it still hurt, you know? It hurt to see them out all the time. I used to sit and cry, wishing that I could be the one holding hands with him, taking him out on dates, telling interviewers that he was the one all the songs were about, he was the one that I loved. Anyways, I got over it, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Then... Then everything just came crashing down one day.

"I was at our house... I still remember so vividly. I was watching TV and the celebrity news was on. It showed a clip from Halloween. Louis was in the back, kissing Eleanor. Really kissing her. At first I thought, 'no, Lou wouldn't do that', then the camera showed them pulling away from each other and waving over. On Eleanor's finger was a ring. I don't know and I still don't know if it was part of the costume, but, suddenly, everyone was talking about it.

"Now, all of a sudden, Modest was telling me I couldn't talk to Lou during shows, I couldn't go out with him in public, I couldn't even see him. It was like a breakup, but by someone who wasn't in our relationship. It hurt, Niall. I tried to go out with other friends, get drunk and forget everything for a while, but all I saw was Lou. I loved him. Being apart from him was too hard. I couldn't take the media. And with everyone saying I was a heart-breaker and such, that's not who I am. Everything caught up with me. I thought about killing myself. I truly did, I'm not going to lie to you. I bought the pills and everything and I even went as far as to write my suicide note. I don't know how, but I ended up chickening out and ended up cutting myself in the bathroom. There was blood everywhere. By some miracle, Lou chose to drop by the house that day. He found me. I was just lying there, unconscious. I can still remember waking up to Lou's voice "say something. Say something, I'm giving up on you."

"I woke up then. Lou was in tears, he was hugging me and kissing me, but, after he cleaned me up, he seemed on edge, so I asked him. I asked what was wrong and he seemed to put off whatever was on his mind. Finally, he said he needed to go. We said bye and that was it. Later though, I found a note on my bed. It was from Louis." Harry ran his fingers through his hair. The note brought back so many memories, so many painful feelings and emotions. Harry tried not to cry. He bit his tongue so hard that blood started to spill on his lip.

Niall fiddled with his feet, trying not to look at Harry while he was crying. "Harry, what... what did the letter say?"

Harry seemed to come back to reality and he whipped his head towards Niall. He was crying then. "Louis... Lou... he... Shit, Niall. I can't... I don't wanna remember."

"You promised..." Niall whispered. He was so curious. He was also angry though; angry at what could cause Harry so much pain.

Harry seemed to switch. Anger surged inside his body. "I don't wanna talk about it." He knew that all the anger inside of him was just a result from all the sadness he carried and he definitely shouldn't be taking his anger out on Niall, but... it was all stuck inside him... for five years he's kept all these emotions inside. No, that's not good for anyone. It can make someone go crazy; make someone crack, and break down.

Niall stood up, offended how quickly Harry could change on him. Harry never used to be like this. "You said... Look, Harry, I get it... Well, maybe I don't, but I'm like your brother! Well...I was."

"I'm sorry. You're right, and I'd still like for us to be that close, but I don't know if we can." Harry replied.

Niall seemed shocked; taking aback. "Why can't we go back to that, Harry? Why? Why, huh? Why does it have to be so different? Why are we so different? What did I do?"

"Niall. Niall. Niall. You did nothing wrong. It wasn't you. It was Lou. It was me." Harry explained.

Niall wiped his nose, then his eyes. "I want to know Harry. I think I deserve to know after five fucking years. Explain."

Well, Harry knew there was no way he was getting out of this one. When Niall uses his angry Irish voice, you know he's serious. "Fine. I know you deserve to know. I know that. Ok, so the letter. I found it on the bed and I knew Louis had written it. Something told me that I had to read it, but I knew it wasn't going to be good. So, I read it. And," Harry paused. He looked over at Niall and took a deep breath. "The letter was Louis saying that we needed a break."

"That's it?" Niall asked, obviously confused.

"No." Harry ran his hand over his face. "Louis was forced to give me the letter. Modest had written it. Later that week, Louis had an interview with Ellen. He announced that-"

"That he was marrying Eleanor..." Niall finished. He seemed to click everything together, to finally understand.

Harry felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted off of his shoulders. It felt good to finally explain his side of the story. Louis, for years, had probably told the boys his side and Harry never had a way to defend himself. It felt amazing to him.

"But, Harry?" Niall asked a second later.

Harry looked up at Niall. He knew what was coming, more questions and such.

"Louis never married Eleanor."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

_"So Louis, we heard about your engagement. What happened? You announced it then months later you said you broke up. What was that about?"_

_"Well, it was... I just wasn't feeling it, you know? It was a mutual agreement between Eleanor and I. Sometimes, you need to take a step forward to see that maybe it was too big of a step. You get what I'm saying Paul?"_

_"To some extent. Now, did this engagement have anything to do with Harry Styles? We've heard rumors about Larry Stylinson and we also know that Modest may be playing a role in your love life. Is there any way that Modest could be the-"_

_"I really don't want to talk about that to be honest."_

_____________________________

Harry knew that Louis never married Eleanor because of him. Louis had gone behind Modest's back and told an interviewer that it was all over. Harry had already left the band by then though, so there was no going back, and, at that time, Harry was angry. He was angry at Louis, at Modest, at himself for letting this happen. It had been his fault after all, agreeing and signing the contract from Modest.

When he was visiting Niall, they had discussed Harry and Louis meeting again, and working out their differences, explain to each other the why's. Harry had bluntly disagreed, but Niall seemed to understand. Niall always understood. After that, they talked about what they had missed. Zayn had broken up/ divorced Perrie, which Harry had heard on the news. Liam was single at the moment, so was Niall, though Harry had missed Niall's first love. They didn't talk about Louis until the end.

"So... You promised to tell me about Louis." Harry mentioned when the conversation died down.

Niall groaned. "Honestly, Harry, you don't wanna hear about it. If it was hard on us, it'll destroy you."

"Niall, you promised too." Harry tried to smiled, but it ended up being a pained look. "It's ok."

Niall began, "It was horrible, Harry. Modest told us you left and before they could even finish, Louis was out the door and gone. We still went on tour but it wasn't the same. After shows, Louis would lock himself in his dressing room until we left for the hotel. Before shows, we would go get him and find him throwing plates, ripping clothes apart, punching walls. Sometimes, his fists would be so bloody that they would make him miss the first half of the shows."

"I thought it was way worse," Harry admitted.

Niall glared at him. "It was. When we got to come home for vacation, I'd check up on him sometimes. I'd walk in to broken glass covering the floor, sometimes he'd be in the bathroom, arms or legs covered in blood. One time, he was so drunk that he'd climbed to the roof, threatened to take his own life. We got him down though; I... I told him I'd get you back, which was a lie." Niall looked at Harry, scared that he would be defensive.

Harry just sat there, mentally picturing all the damage he had done to Louis. But, the one thing that Harry never considered was all the shit Louis had put him through too, though he never wanted to. But, if Louis didn't want to date Eleanor, he could have broke up with her, just how Lou broke off the wedding. Harry became furious. He had gone through so much too! It wasn't all his fault. Lou had caused so many problems as well. It had taken a piece of Harry. Harry had always been the one to give love his all. There was no holding back for him; it was all or nothing. Had there been something they could have done differently?

He didn't know.

___________________________________

 

"Come on! It will be great! The gang will be back together, you know? Well, not really, but it will be fun. Mingle with some people, get to know my friends! Come on!" Niall begged Harry.

Saturday was Niall's twenty third birthday, crazy to think about. Over the past month, Niall and him have reconnected slowly, but it was progress. Niall had been begging Harry all week to come to the party, but Harry knew that everyone would exclude him. He didn't really care, because this would all be for Niall though. What he was really worried about was Lou. He could say that name all day if he liked and he guaranteed he would never get tired of saying it.

"Niall... I don't wanna ruin your party." Harry whispered into the phone.

The line seemed to go silent for a while. "Well, then don't do anything stupid."

"But... if i see him..." Harry panicked thinking of the scene already; imagining the most horrible possible things to happen.

Niall laughed. "Honestly Harry, he probably won't even want to talk to you."

It stung. It hurt Harry, but he knew it was true. If he were to put himself in Lou's place, he wouldn't wanna even see him, which made this whole party idea even worse. The only reason Harry was actually considering it was because it was Niall. All he wanted to do was reconnect with him and this seemed to be a good start. Friends went to other friends' parties.

"Fine." Harry sighed and then rolled his eyes as Niall started babbling at how awesome Saturday was going to be. He hung up after about fifteen minutes of listening and decided that he should find something to where to Niall's house tomorrow. This wasn't easy; no, Harry had this empty feeling in his stomach that seemed like a black hole. Could he honestly handle this? Would he be able to handle this after six years? Better yet, would Lou be able to? Harry didn't want to cause Louis any more pain than he already had, but he needed to go for Niall.

"I'll stay away." Harry said to himself. His voice seemed to echo through the mansion and it just made him feel even more lonely. There was no point in having all this without having someone to share it with. He never did anything with his money; it was all going down the drain, well, most of it anyhow. Some was actually going to multiple charities, but that didn't make him feel any better.

When he was sitting on his couch, watching the news, Harry started to honestly contemplate his future. He wouldn't be singing all his life, that was for sure, so what was after? He wanted a family, definitely, but whenever he thought about it, all he could see was Louis. Louis lying in bed next to him, Louis falling asleep on the couch and having to be carried to bed, Louis trying to make dinner, but setting off the smoke detectors, Louis wearing a nice ring. Louis wearing Harry's ring. Louis and Harry growing old together.

He never wanted this. No, he was doing this to protect Lou. Wasn't he? Wasn't that the reason? Was there maybe something else that had caused him to leave? Harry felt like he was missing something. There was something that wasn't clicking right. He had abandoned the band because he was trying to protect and do what was best for them, but there was something else. Maybe... Maybe he was scared. Maybe he had been scared that Louis would change his mind. Maybe he was scared that Lou would leave him for someone else; someone better. Maybe, just maybe, he got the idea in his head that Louis had actually fallen for Eleanor. I mean, that was the whole idea right? That's what Modest wanted everyone to believe? Had Harry fallen for the deceiving lie? Had Harry believed in the lie instead of Louis?

Yes, yes. He was so stupid. But maybe he was right. Maybe Lou had really started to fall for her. Harry was so confused with the world. To be honest with himself, he was just a kid. He was so young, so innocent, so gullible.

Harry sighed and grabbed his keys. He really just wanted to take to Ed. Ed would make his feel relaxed, maybe they could have a beer or something too. He pulled out of his garage and headed towards his friends house.

When he finally got there, he quickly knocked on the door. "Ed, open up. It's bloody cold out here."

"Who the fuck knocks at a friends door at 12?! Harry, gosh, get a fucking life." Ed was joking and let Harry pass in.

"Sorry. Just really needed to get out of the house." He mumbled and fell on to the brown sofa. He slowly closed his eyes, remembering what sleeping by Lou had been like. FUCK. He needed to stop thinking about him.

Ed was looking weirdly at him from across the living room. "Well, are you just going to waste my time or tell me what's on your mind you block?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I just wanted to see you." Harry whispered.

Ed laughed at that. "Harry, you're one of my best mates. I think I know you a little by now. Something's on your mind."

"I don't really know myself."

Ed grunted. Harry was a really stubborn person at times. He was so stubborn sometimes that the answer could be right in front of him and he would refuse to see it. Ed loved Harry, honestly he did, but sometimes, once in a while, Ed would get so fed up with Harry's pouting. Of course Harry never actually admitted that he was pouting, but Ed could see it clearly. And it was always over the same person. Louis, the bastard who had ruined Harry's life and couldn't even acknowledge it. Louis was an immature fuck-face, but he made Harry happy. Ed knew that Louis was the key to unlocking happiness for his best mate. Ed also knew that Louis was the key to unlocking a war. "Louis."

"What? Huh?" Harry sat up quickly. How did Ed know?

He laughed and smiled at Harry. "Honestly I'm not as stupid as you think. I know you still love him."

"But that's the thing! I don't..." Harry looked down to the ground. He was telling the truth. He didn't love Lou anymore. There had been so many bad memories that he could remember. He didn't wanna go back to that. No, he didn't love Lou anymore. But he was afraid that if he were to see him, his feelings would coming rushing back to him.

Ed knew that this was stubborn Harry talking. He didn't clearly see the desperation on his face when Ed had mentioned Louis' name. He could remember the way he had lit up like a Christmas tree whenever Louis was around. They BOTH were stupid as hell, Ed thought. Both so naive, but so perfect for each other.

"So, why is he bothering you then?" Ed questioned. Raising his eyebrows.

Harry stood up and threw his arms in the air. "He's not! I came here trying to forget about all this and now you're just bringing it back up!"

"You need to talk about it Harry."

Harry could feel all the emotions rising. Mostly anger. "Talk about what, huh? Talk about how much I fucking miss him? Talk about how much pain he caused me? Talk about how many times I thought about killing myself just to stop it all? Why the fuck do I need to talk about that? What did I do? Why is it MY fault? I didn't do any of it! It was Modest and Eleanor and Lou and One Direction and... And..."

"Calm down."

Harry screamed, pulling his hair. "Don't tell me to fucking calm down because my WHOLE life has passed me by. The love of my life fell in love with someone else, I lost my four best friends, I let a company rule my love life, and I let everyone down. Somehow it all goes back to me. My fault. It's all my fucking fault."

"Well, what the fuck are you gonna do about it?" Ed leaned back. He already knew how this was going to play out. Harry was a people pleaser. He always had to satisfy everyone and he wouldn't stop until he succeeded.

Harry buried his head in his hands. He looked at his arm "I CAN'T CHANGE" was written there and it was perfect. He couldn't change because no one would alter his feelings about Lou. It didn't matter how much anyone tried, he was still going to be in love with him. Louis could act like a total nob sometimes, but Harry was always there to shut him up before he went off on someone or got out of hand; it's what Harry was made for. He was there to be the better half of Louis and he knew it all too well. It sucked, it really did; to be the one to tame the lion, to fight an un-winnable fight, but it's what Harry had always done and he was damn good at it. Harry was there to take all the crap Louis threw at him, but he would stand tall and that's what Louis had loved the most. Louis loved that Harry stayed through it all because he knew that Harry loved him.

But Harry was maturing and now he didn't want an untamed boyfriend. He wanted someone to treat him as an equal, to show him the same love that Harry had given. He wanted what he deserved and that was Louis. He had put up with Lou's shit far too long.

"I don't know what to do Ed." Harry admitted.

He laughed at how oblivious Harry was. "Of course you know what you're going to do."

"What?" Harry was confused. No, he had no clue what his plan was. He just wanted to be friends with Lou. That's all he was asking for.

Ed rolled his eyes and then went to the kitchen, but before he left he sang:

"You think the only person you can depend on is you,  
But even you can tear yourself in two.  
He's out there and he cares,  
You just have to take the dare."

Harry smiled sadly. It was true. He didn't like depending on Lou, but when he had fallen in love, that's what happened. And he left because he knew he was going to be broken someday.

"Guess I'm going to that party..."

___________________________

 

The music was flowing everywhere. Outside everyone could see the lights and people moving throughout Niall's mansion. Harry was trying to cover his face, make sure no one was looking at him, He didn't want to start a fight or anything because half of these people already knew about his beef with the boys. He was happy that most of these people were drunk already, so they weren't paying any particular attention to him. He sighed, finally building up the courage to walk inside.

He immediately felt self conscious. Maybe he was exaggerating when he said a thousand eyes landed on him, but he definitely saw a few eyes land on him. He mostly didn't know anyone, but he did realize that Liam was staring right at him from across the room. It was awkward because Harry could feel the disappointment that was radiating from him. Liam's eyes were sad, longing to go up to Harry, but he was hesitant. His eyes flicked away from Harry very briefly, looking at something or someone next to him, and then back to Harry. He shook his head and then left the room.

Harry felt relieved that no one was talking to him, and he decided to sit in the corner of the room, just by himself. He was wearing a black v-neck with some ripped, black jeans. His hair was styled back and it was a little long, but he liked it this length. His cross was hanging down to the middle of his chest, in between his tattoos.

He felt the couch sink in, signing that someone was sitting with him.

"Hey! You came! Oh my gosh, I'm so happy." Niall said as he wrapped his arms around Harry's waist.

Harry laughed and returned the hug, maybe holding on a little too tight. "Hey." He sighed.

"Whoa buddy, I don't swing that way!" Niall said, throwing his head back in laughter and punching Harry's arm.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Aw, dang, I always thought you were sexy. That hair of yours and that killer laugh man."

"Aw, stop it you. You're making me blush."

Niall was so drunk by this time that he literally passed out on Harry's shoulder. He laughed to himself, remembering the days when Niall would do this; he would get so shit-faced that he would wake up not even knowing where he was. It had been quite funny, except when the press would take pictures of Niall passed out, underwear's only, on the grass of someone's lawn.

"Come on big boy." Harry laughed and threw Niall over his shoulders, walking towards the staircase. He walked upstairs, stopping at the double doors, opening them and throwing him on the bed. He was about to leave when he heard someone in the bathroom.

"Calm down, calm down Louis!"

Oh no, Harry needed to leave. He needed to get out of there. He didn't wanna hear Lou's voice because he knew he would feel the need to talk to him, to explain. He knew he would feel the love that he used to feel. But, he couldn't leave. Even though he didn't want to hear him, he needed to hear his voice. He waited. And waited. That's all he needed.

"How can I? He's here! I can't do this. Take me home Liam. Take me home... please..." Louis sobbed.

Harry could hear Liam sighed. "Fine, Louis. Just, let me go get the car and I'll text you when I come back. "

"Harry?" Niall said quite loudly.

Everything happened at once. The bathroom door opened. Niall woke up, looking at Harry. Liam stood in the doorway. Harry froze. He didn't look away from the door. He couldn't. He didn't want to.

Then it happened. The nightmare came true.

"Get him the fuck away from me." Louis said.

He was crying. Harry saw him wearing almost what he himself was wearing. He had a black shirt on with the word Vans written with red letters. He had black jeans on with the ends rolled up of course; showing his ankles. Harry had always liked the triangle on his ankle. His hair was messed up, probably because he had just been pulling it, but Harry didn't mind. He had always loved Lou regardless of if it was a bad or good day.

Now Harry was just staring at Lou, taking him in. It was probably creepy to anyone looking at him, but he didn't care. To be honest, he didn't give a shit about what anyone thought. All he wanted to do was to mentally take a picture of Lou.

"I said get him away from me!" Louis shouted.

Harry took a little step towards Lou. "I..."

Louis backed up into the wall, scared of Harry.

Harry felt a tear roll down his face. Just one single tear, but it was so much more. Harry couldn't speak,

Louis was sobbing by now. "I...I'm leaving."

Harry opened his mouth but was cut off.

"Don't... I-I don't wanna hear your voice... No." Louis' voice was quivering and the tears were clearly streaming down his face. He looked towards Liam, looking for a rescue.

Liam seemed to realize that he needed to take action. "Lou go-"

"MY NAME IS LOUIS. LOUIS. Remember?" Louis threw his arms out in front of him in frustration. Everyone was annoying him. He needed to go, he couldn't look at Harry right now; it brought all the horrible memories back of sleeping alone, the nightmares, the suicidal thoughts. No. He would forget that. It had been 6 years. He needed to forget.

Harry reached for him again. Slowly stepping towards Lou. He had always gravitated towards him, he always needed Lou to support himself. He was his rock, the only thing keeping him grounded. He stepped towards Lou and Louis froze. He stood in the doorway, back to Harry. Finally, he whipped his head towards him, giving him the hardest stare he could.

Louis' hand went to his neck and ripped off the necklace that was previously hanging. "Here." He threw the necklace at him, turned, and ran down the stairs. Liam followed him.

Harry fell to his knees, desperately trying to grab what Lou threw. He found a necklace with a ring hanging from it. It was black with a silver rim around the edges. Inside was inscribed the words Love Conquers All. Harry suddenly went into a fit of tears. He looked towards Niall, who was staring in shock at the empty doorway. He turned to Harry.

Niall was confused. Harry seemed to be overly emotional about the ring. "Harry, what's that?"

Harry cried harder. "This is the ring I gave Lou the first time I told him I loved him."

"Oh."

Harry saw that Niall still didn't get it. He sighed. "He told me that he would keep this ring as long as he loved me." Harry curled up in a ball. "He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. Lou doesn't love me."

All of a sudden, Niall didn't know why, but he burst into laughter. Maybe it was because he was still drunk. "You're so stupid."

"What the fuck Niall? I'm telling you that the love of my life doesn't love me and you laugh? Well, fuck you too!" Harry yelled and continued to cry in his sleeve.

Niall stopped laughing only long enough to say, "You must be the dumbest person I've ever met."

"What?"

"You really think that Louis doesn't love you anymore. Harry, if I can see through that lie, you better be able to." Niall said, a little bit angrily.

Harry sighed. "I don't know."

That's when it happened. A scream was heard downstairs and Harry shot up like a bullet. He would know that sound anywhere.

"Lou..."


	4. Chapter 4

4\. 

Harry ran downstairs, determined to find out what was going on. The scream was definitely not a cry for help, but it was Lou's and Harry couldn't fight off his instinct to go find him. He was downstairs now, standing up against the wall, looking to find Liam or Lou. He saw that the dancefloor had gathered around two people. Harry got closer.

"I fucking hate you!"

"Stop. Stop! You're just fucking upset. Stop it. I didn't invite him." Harry heard Liam yell. 

Someone hit Liam. 

"Sure you didn't. Go away! Get the fuck away from me, all of you!" Louis yelled. "I don't have to deal with this shit now."

Harry saw Liam go after Lou, who was now headed out the door.

Harry knew all of this was his fault. He honestly and truthfully felt bad and the best thing he could do now was to leave. He finally got what he came for. He had been looking for an answer. An answer that Lou had just answered. Lou told him that he didn't love him and that was enough for Harry. He was done.

Harry ran outside. He walked up to his former best friend and his former boyfriend. "It's ok. I'll go." And with that, Harry walked away, walked away from the boy who had once been his whole life. 

_____________________________________________________________

 

It's been a month since Niall's birthday, and Harry hasn't returned anyone's calls. He sleeps until three in the afternoon, eats something small, gets dressed up, and goes to a bar. It''s been his routine for weeks now. He usually calls up Nick and invites him along. No, Harry isn't best friends with Nick, but he knows that Lou was never fond of him, so in a way, it's like getting back at Louis again. Harry doesn't intentionally want to hurt Lou, but he knows that he does. And maybe he's a little happy that he does. 

Harry's brain and heart are contradicting each other right now. His mind is telling him that the logical actions are to forget Louis, date Nick, get drunk, and live his life like that because Lou's a fucking dipshit. His heart is telling him that nothing comes easy. Nothing that's truly worth it is ever going to be easy. Love isn't easy. But that was six years ago, Harry reasons. No, Louis won't take him back now. Never.

Harry is a mess right now. He's drunk at a club downtown in London. It's a very public place, so he knows that Nick and him will be seen together. This is all part of his plan though. He knows that Larry Shippers are still going crazy over the scene at Niall's house, so he's trying to let that die down. He knows that Modest won't be happy with Lou or any of the boys because of that night, so Harry thinks he'll do them a favor and get the press off their back. 

"Harry! Come on, have another shot! Drinks on me." Nick says, coming up to Harry and draping an arm around him.

Harry feels uncomfortable, but is too shy to say anything that could hurt Nick. "I already have a drink."

"That's a beer mate, not an actual drink."

Harry just shrugs. 

"Ok. Sit down. What's wrong mate?" Nick says, stepping back and putting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "All you've done for the last month is drink, sleep, and wank yourself off."

Harry attempts to laugh at Nick's joke, but it comes out as a muffled sound.

"One Directions' Louis Tomlinson... confirmed..."

 

Harry couldn't hear the small TV in the bar, but he picked up what it was saying little by little. Harry shushed Nick, but he kept talking. "Shut the fuck up!" He screamed.

"Yes...heard it here first...Louis...gay!"

Harry's heart sunk in. No. No. No. Not now! Why now, Lou? Why the fuck now out of all the years they were together? Harry pushed himself off of his stool and strode right out of the bar, not paying attention to anyone that was calling his name. He could feel the heat overtaking his body, he could feel the adrenaline pulsing through his veins, but most of all, he could feel the hurt and betrayal in his heart. No. No. No. This was all a bad dream, this couldn't be happening. Fuck! Why did Lou have to do this now? After almost four years together and now he wants to fucking come out? Shit, Harry was getting out of control. His whole body was shaking as he got into his car and fumbled with the keys to start the engine. 

"Fuckin' shit!" Harry yelled and hit the glass window of his car. The sound of breaking glass didn't even make him flinch and the wound on his fist wasn't felt. "Fucker!" He yelled and could feel the heated tears streaming down his face. He was speeding down the highway, needed to leave the bar. He was so angry. There was no way to possibly understand the anger and hurt he felt. No, this was too much for him. 

He raced through the streets of London and almost got into a couple of accidents. He heard his phone going off, but he didn't even bother to see who it was. Once he was parked, he flung his door open, slammed it behind him, and ran up the stairs of the house. 

He rang the doorbell. He rang again. One last time. 

The door opened. 

"What-" The voice said, shocked.

"You fucking shit! Now? Now, out of the four years we were together, happily? Why now? I deserve to know! After all the shit you put me through. You think you were the only one who went through it? You saw what I did to myself the last time you came to my flat six years ago! You never thought that maybe I was hurting way more than you could possibly know? I was there Lou! I had always been there for you, and the one fucking time I needed you, where were you? Off getting married? Off leaving me? Can you really blame me for leaving? Huh? ANSWER ME!" Harry was holding Lou by the collar, shaking him furiously.

Louis stared at Harry in shock. He knew what he had done, but he didn't think that his love of his life would be at his doorstep, yelling and cussing him out, crying and screaming. Louis saw the tears streaming down his face and choked back anything he was going to say.

"Lou, if you would have asked me to come back after I left, I would have." Harry looked into Lou's eyes. He sobbed. "But you didn't and now things are the way they are." Harry laughed like a maniac then. "You are such a shit, you know that? Not once did you ask me to come back. Who the fuck does that? Let's the love of their life leave without a fight? I'll tell you who. You. You asshole and inconsiderate fucking dick.

Louis was dumbfounded. He didn't know that such a simple answer to his problems had existed. No, Harry was lying; he wouldn't have come back that easily. Harry was a dick, Harry was the one that had left him and it wasn't Lou's fault. Harry let go of Lou and took a step back, running his hand through his curly locks. He was pacing back and forth, not knowing what Lou was thinking. He was angry that Louis didn't have any answers for him because after all this time Harry thought that the least Lou could do was give him some answers.

Harry stopped and looked over at Louis. Now that the anger was let out, Harry felt the wave of sadness washing over his body and filling his veins. "I was always there Lou. Even when you didn't know; I was there. I was there when you and Eleanor were kissing, I was there when you proposed to her, I was there when you cried in my arms. And, where were you when I got my heart crushed? Where were you when I tried to hang myself in our bedroom because that was the last place you had been and I never wanted to forget the image of you standing there? Where were you when I overdosed on drugs? Where were you, Lou?"

Louis was staring at the ground. Louis opened his mouth to speak, and he could see Harry's eager, baby face. "Harry-"

Harry's eyes flew to Louis'. He remembered that name and all the memories it brought back. Lou telling Harry the first time that he loved him, Lou stroking his hair back, whispering his name to him. Harry's body immediately reacted to the loving name, and he could hear the emotion that came with that simple word. 

"Haz... You... I didn't..." Louis took a deep breath.

Harry sighed, not satisfied. "It's just not enough Lou... It's just not enough now..." He walked to his car, started the engine, and drove away.

When he was safely in his car, Harry let it all out. He sobbed until he couldn't see the road in front of him. He cried so loud that he couldn't hear anything besides his heart breaking. He hit the already broken windshield, just so that he could feel some other pain than his heartache. He pulled onto the side of the road and just cried in his arms. He brought his legs up to his chest and rocked back and forth. He noticed the car lights that pulled behind him. He heard a door open and then shut. He couldn't see who it was because of the tears that were surrounding his eyes. Soon, his door opened.

"Come here." He said and then two strong arms wrapped around him.

Harry cried even harder when he realized who it was. "Liam," He breathed.

"It's ok, Mate. You don't have to say a word." And then Liam just sat there, holding Harry as he cried and screamed.

Harry stayed like that for an hour, just crying. Finally, he fell asleep and he couldn't remember anything that happened after he shut his eyes.

_______________________________________________________________

 

"No, I'm not going to do that. You expect him to be able to? Well, fuck you too." Niall said.

Harry was barely regaining consciousness. He could feel the covers around him, he knew that he was tucked into his bed, but he didn't understand why there were people in his house.

Someone was whispering back to Niall, but Harry couldn't identify who it was or what they were saying.

Harry heard Liam laughing. "You're some sick bastards, you know that? We should have dropped you a long time ago."

A whisper was exchanged.

"Yeah yeah, we fucking know we're under contract, why don't you think we haven't sued you yet?" Niall replied.

Harry rubbed his eyes, almost fully awake. He threw the covers off of himself and padded his way to the bathroom. Man, he looked like shit. His eyes were puffy and red. He had a headache from all the crying he had done, and he just didn't feel right. He slipped on his slippers and walked downstairs. He found Liam, Niall, and two random guys sitting at his dining room table.

"Um, what's up?" Harry asked everyone. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl of cereal, then he returned to the dining room and took a seat by Niall. "So, not to be rude, but you the hell are you guys?"

"I'm Richard Griffiths and, this is my partner, Harry Magee." One of them said.

"Oh, ok." Harry said, shrugging his shoulder. He didn't know them, but Harry wasn't really concerned with them.

Niall coughed. "They're from Modest! Management."

Harry immediately stopped the spoon that was holding his cereal. "Get out."

"Mr. Styles we would like-"

Harry walked up to the man and was several inches taller than him. He pushed his chest against the man's and said slowly, "Get the fuck out of my house."

Both men looked at each other, apologized, and left quickly. Harry fell down into his chair and ran a hand down his face. 

"Harry we-"

"Hold on." Harry said calmly. He stood up, walked towards the window, stood there for a couple of minutes, then repeatedly punched the glass until it broke. He kept repeating the words "fucker" and "so stupid". Niall rushed over to his and pinned Harry's arms behind him. 

"Get off of me! Get off of me!" Harry screamed, wiggling back and forth, trying to punch the window again.

Liam came over and grabbed Harry. He threw him over his shoulder and walked to the couch. He flung Harry down and then climbed on top of him, stopping him from running back. He was having a fit and Liam was done. 

"Can you just sit still for one second?" Liam yelled.

Harry stopped, but said nothing.

"We have to discuss something important!" Liam was holding Harry's arms above his head.

Harry sighed and nodded his head. Liam finally got off and stood up. Harry sat on the couch, crossing his arms in anger.

"Just hear me out, ok?" Liam said.

Harry huffed. "Fine."

"They were here because... well, Harry, it's about Louis." Liam finally said. 

Instantly Harry sat up straight, he was hanging on to every word now. "Lou?"

"Well, we all know he's- well, he's out now. Modest... Modest wants to make this as easy as possible. You know the fans will hate, we'll lose some. The bloody paps won't be very nice. Well, we also know that you are loved by millions of girls too. If...if people saw that you two were hanging out again. Well, you know that the rumors of Larry would show up, people would be waiting for it to come out and... Look, Harry, everyone likes you and there would be no one better for Louis to start dating- that would be acceptable by the fans- than you." Liam said, scared that Harry would burst out in anger again.

The whole room was quiet. Niall was sitting next to Harry, and his heart was racing. Everyone was a little uncomfortable.

Harry burst out in laughter. "You think that we could ever date again? Look, Li, Lou hates me."

"But you don't hate him."

Harry huffed, "well, I think I do."

"I know you're lying twat. You still say his old nickname and we both know you went to his house after he came out because you're jealous and mad. It's ok Harry. Look, you guys don't have to actually like each other, just in front of the cameras and fans. That's all." Niall said, standing up and putting a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry contemplated the idea, looking at the pro's and con's of it all. First, he would probably get more money and fans and obviously more attention. The horrible benefits involved having to see Lou, having to talk to Lou, and having to (maybe) seriously date Lou. Harry sighed. 

"No."

Liam and Niall both took a step back. Each boy had not expected that answer; they all assumed that Harry loved Louis still and could make the real Lou come back to them. A love like theirs never dies, it's infinite, beyond reach. Or, well, it used to be...

Liam cleared his throat. "Well, it looks like you have no choice."

"What?" Harry asked.

"See, Modest has already contacted your management. Supposedly, you've been wanting to come out for years and they also agreed that the best person to come out with is Louis." Liam stated. He honestly wasn't even mad about the situation they were having. He had always wanted a reason to reunite the boys, to have his family become one again, Maybe, just maybe, this was the way. 

Harry set his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. "Shit." He chuckled sarcastically after a few minutes. "Well, I guess that settles it then lads?"


	5. Chapter 5

"How are we supposed to date if I don't even like the fucking twat." Louis yelled. 

Louis was talking in another room while Harry sat on the couch, looking uncomfortable and out of place. They were all at Louis' house, discussing expectations, routines, appearances, dates, and everything that came with having a staged relationship. Harry was on the verge of leaving because it was obvious that Lou didn't want his help. In fact, Louis had almost attacked everyone when he heard the plan. 

So, here Harry was, in a beanie, a black shirt, and some gray sweatpants, looking deathly tired, and sitting patiently in the room while he heard Louis bicker with everyone. Harry felt as if he was crossing some invisible line by just being present at Louis' house. Obviously, they didn't want to see each other, but business wasn't about what they wanted, it was about what the fans and public wanted. 

Harry stood up, done with all the arguing. He walked over to the room, knocked lightly on the door, and then slightly opened it. "Look, I'm just going to go. Obviously, I'm not wanted."

"No. You're not-" Louis started, but was hit in the stomach with a soccer ball. 

Harry scoffed. "You're so immature."

"Excuse me, but I'm older than you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Doesn't mean that you're more mature. Look, all I wanted to do was help, but fuck it."

"You boys both have a date tomorrow. Act like friends." The man said and then walked out of the room.

Both the boys were left in the room, staring at the floor. It's funny how strangers become friends, then those friends become best friends, then that becomes something serious, but then ends. And when it ends, so does the friendship. It sucks, it really does, but there is nothing that can change the past.

Louis looked up at Harry at the exact same time that Harry looked at Lou. Neither of them looked away. Louis held a loathing stare while Harry's was longing. Maybe he was longing for answers or just longing to have the old Lou back, but he knew that he had taken him and murdered that Lou when he left him six years ago. 

"Well, are you just going to fucking stand there?" Louis asked. He had his hands on his hips, one hip out, and his foot was tapping. 

Harry realized that Louis was nervous. Nervous? Really? Of Harry? Well, if Harry was being honest, he too felt nervous. There was no telling what Lou would do. 

Harry rolled his eyes. "All I need to know is the time we're gonna meet and where."

"I'll text it to you later." Louis sighed. He was clearly annoyed and not trying to hide it.

Harry pulled out his phone. "My number is-"

"I know what your fucking number is." Louis said , clenching his teeth and his fists.

Lou still knows my number? He still has is? Harry gaped. Harry had deleted Lou's contact after five years, but that wasn't any help because he had memorized it for life. He felt his mouth pull up into a slight smile after he heard Lou say that. Louis seemed to notice his mistake and rolled his eyes.

"Everyone knows your number." Louis said nonchalantly and then started to mess with his phone.

Harry's smile faltered. "Um, so is yours the same?"

"Yup." Louis said, popping the p. He didn't look up from his phone, so Harry walked out of the room. As he passed by the living room, he noticed that all the guys were sitting and playing FIFA.

"Yes! I win again! Fuckers!" Niall laughed and threw his head back. He was standing up, moving as if he was actually playing the game. "Goalllllllll!!!!!" He screamed and dropped to his knees, pulling his hands in the air.

"Hey mates." Harry said, stopping only to say hi.

Niall jumped up and ran over to Harry. "Wanna play? These guys are getting boring because I keep kicking their asses."

"Niall?" Louis asked as he was coming out of the bedroom. He looked confused.

Niall skipped over to Louis and pulled him in for a quick hug. After, he returned to Harry's side and kept begging him to play.

"I didn't know you guys were still so close." Louis sneered. His blue eyes were fierce.

Niall shrunk a little. "Well, um..."

"You invited him to the party?" Louis yelled, getting closer and closer to Niall.

Harry stepped in between them, so Louis couldn't hurt Niall. "No! No. A friend of mine did."

Louis completely ignored him. "You've been talking to him, Niall?"

Niall hesitantly looked at Harry again and then switched his gaze over to the other two boys who were sitting down. "Lou, you know-"

"Louis!" He corrected.

"Louis, you know I was the closest with Harry. I just... He showed up... and..." Niall put his hands up in surrender.

Louis paced back and forth. "Even after he hurt you? Even after he left us? Even after...?" Louis just looked up at Niall in confusion. He didn't understand how Niall could be so forgiving. Harry had left him. Didn't he see that?

"Even after he left you, you mean? Look Louis, I get why you're upset. Harry left. And I know he took a part of you when he broke you, but you never stopped to think about his side of the story, and I think that if you did, it would be much easier to forgive him than you think." Niall stepped towards Louis, but Lou took a step back, shaking his head.

"You saw what he did to me. I saw what he did to you. You became my best friend. He doesn't just get to steal you back!" Louis shouted. His face was red and he had stopped breathing. 

Harry knew that Lou had always masked all his emotions with anger. Harry knew that Lou was still hurting because of him, but he wanted to make it all better. He was determined to make it all better. Harry went again and stood in front of Niall, coming face to face with Lou. Louis tried his best not to look away, but Harry knew he was dying to run.

"Lou. I know I hurt you. I know that. And I also know that, right now, I'm still hurting you. But I also know that at this second, there is no way that you will forgive me. You're not going to let it go that easily because I wouldn't either. Now, you need to know that I'm not gonna stop. I love Niall, Liam, and Zayn just as much as you do and I'm determined to become part of their lives again. And you can either accept that, or not. But I hope that later we can become friends again." Harry stuck his hand out, trying to show that he was honestly trying to become his friend, or respectable person in his life. 

Louis laughed and turned around. He stormed out of the front door, slamming it with a bang. Niall was still standing in awe. He was staring at Harry like he was his big brother again. 

"I'm glad you stood up to him, I'm getting tired of his sassy ass." Niall said and then plopped down on the couch next to Liam. 

Harry sighed and followed him. Liam looked up and smiled at him, greeting him, but Zayn didn't acknowledge him. Harry decided to sit down by Zayn, hoping he could find out what was bothering him. 

"Hey." Harry smiled.

Zayn nodded his head slightly and quietly mumbled "hi."

"What's up? Did I do something?" Harry whispered, hoping that the boys wouldn't hear them.

Zayn ran a hand through his hair, something that was very rare because he hated messing up his hair. "Well, you just messed up all his progress."

"He was better?" Harry asked, amazed.

Zayn rolled his eyes. "No, he's usually sassy and all that shit, but now he hasn't been going out, he hasn't been calling us regularly."

"Sorry?"

"Listen Styles, that's my best mate right there okay? And if anything or anyone hurts him, I will make them miserable. He's already gone through enough shit, so either be extra nice, or leave." Zayn said, and then turned his attention back to the FIFA game.

______________________________________________________________________

 

"Hello everyone? Are you all having a good time? How 'bout you guys in the back? Yeah! And what about you chaps over hear? oh no, not you guys, I meant those guys!" Harry yelled into the microphone.

He was smiling and having a great time at Madison Square Garden, but it just wasn't the same tonight. He couldn't feel the music take control. All he could think about was how he used to feel playing with the other guys. It had always been so much fun on stage with the four greatest lads he ever met. Now, he could finally feel the loneliness.

"Okay, here's the first song. It's new and it's called 'A Secret'."

"A secret like this is hard to hide,

A secret like this cannot be confined.

I cannot let the past go and say goodbye,

But I know the deal we both agreed and signed.

 

Don't they know they can't take away our love?

I'm sorry to say, but I'm almost done.

Can't we just go back, rewind the past?

Maybe, that way, this thing would last.

 

I loved the way these things used to be,

Baby, maybe they won't notice if we flee.

I wanna go somewhere we can't be judged,

For all of the things, places, and people I've loved.

 

Is it so bad that I love you?

Is it so bad that you want me to?

Is it so bad that I kiss you?

Is it so bad that you love me too?

 

Come with me, let's tell the world our story,

I don't care if we lose all our glory.

We have each other, isn't that enough?

We can get through it all, even if it's tough.

 

A secret like this could not hide,

A secret like this could not be confined.

I cannot let my future pass me by,

So let's forget the deal we both agreed and signed.

 

The crowd was silent as Harry ended the song. He was nevous. Did they not like the song? Did they know that he had written it when Lou and him were together? These questions were filling his mind. He tapped the microphone and smiled slightly.

"So? What did you guys think?" Harry asked, praying everything was alright. 

Suddenly, there was a wave of applause and screams. Harry could see some of the girls up front and saw that they had tears in their eyes. Yeah, Harry had cried when he wrote that song as well. Right now, he wasn't focused on everyone. Two people had captured his attention. There was a girl hugging her best friend. Harry stared in awe as they pecked each other on the lips real quick. Most of the people around them clapped as they saw them too. They turned back to the stage and saw Harry looking at them. The taller girl grabbed the other girl's hand and put them in the air, with their fingers twined together. 

Harry honestly felt like crying again. He had always wanted that. He had always dreamed about loving his best friend and everyone knowing about it. The fans here didn't even seem to care about the gay couple and it made Harry's heart ache. How come I can't have that? he thought to himself.

The two girls unzipped their jackets and Harry saw the writing on them. Now he really was going to cry. He felt the tears building up and soon, he was wiping the corners of his eyes before they ran down his face.

The girls shirts read: I Still Believe In Love. There was a picture of Harry and Lou at the AMA's 2013. The picture was them looking at each other right before getting into a group hug with the other boys. Lou was smirking over at Harry, but Harry was trying his best not to smile back, because he knew management was watching. He failed though, because he saw the smile playing at the edge of his lips. It was right after they had won Album of the Year. 

Suddenly, Harry heard the whole stadium screaming. No, it wasn't exactly screaming, it was chanting. The whole theater was chanting something and soon, the floor people were also chanting it. 

"Larry!"

"Larry!"

"Larry!" 

A riot broke up, soon, girls were trying to run up on stage, Harry was backing away slowly, but he wasn't going to leave. He wanted to remember this moment. He wanted to remember how many people would have supported Larry Stylinson. The crowd was getting angrier then. Screams were heard everywhere.

"Let them love!"

"Love isn't a gender!"

"Larry! I still believe!"

"We won't stop until you surrender!"

"Gay is Okay!"

"Larry equals love! Let them love!"

"I ship it!"

Harry pulled his phone out of his back pocket. He took a video of all the girls screamed, he tried to make the clear screams sound muffled, but if you listen closely, you could still hear what they were saying. He posted it on twitter.

@Harry_Styles: Best crowd. Je suis d'accord avec eux.

Retweets:

@L_Stylinson246: did anyone else hear what I heard on the video?!?! FRENCH TOAST I'M DYING!

@Stylinson_HazLou264: FUCK! IT's SOON! LARRY IS GOING TO COME OUT. @Harry_Styles: "Best Crowd. I AGREE WITH THEM."

@RonneyCV231_CT: I don't even ship Larry, but Harry is definitely talking about Louis from One Direction.

@Sam92GH: OMG. I thought they broke up!!! #LARRYISBACKON

@LARRYLOVE761: #LARRYISBACKON

@StephanieTomlinson231: As long as Louis' happy, I'm happy. #LARRYISBACKON

Trends:

#LARRYISBACKON

#RIPPaulWalker

#LARRYLOVE

#HarryGiveLouisYourGravyAgain

#SassMasterRespondToHarry

*Later that day*

@Louis_Tomlinson: Yeah, same here.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY! This chapter is really short, but I had writers block.

Harry sat down on the dining room table, looking at all the empty seats surrounding him. Originally, he had gotten this table to fit ten people, four for the boys and five for extra people on the holidays. Now, there was no one. His mom and sister hadn't been ready for the fame or fortune. Sure, they asked him for help whenever they needed it, but they didn't want anything else usually. Harry didn't blame them, how could he? Even Harry himself didn't want the fame. He had thought it was going to be glamorous, getting everything he wanted. Now that he thinks about it, he remembers Simon telling him and the boys: "When you come into the music business, there is this saying that states that each one of you has to give up someone you love the most for your biggest dreams. The music industry is a deal with the devil is what people say. I hope to God this isn't true for you boys, but for my other clients... well..." 

Well, now he had no one. He still had his friends like Nick and them, but they would never replace his four best mates. No one could or would. But, now that he thought about it, he was getting them back. Niall was already on his side, Liam didn't seem to take a side; he was neutral, but Zayn... Zayn was different. They used to get along great because Zayn knew that Harry was gay from the start, so he concluded that Harry couldn't steal any girls away from him. 

Harry shoved a spoon-full of Lucky Charms in his mouth. The doorbell rang. 

Great, Harry thought. He stood and went to the door in only his boxer-briefs. He unlocked the door and opened the screen door as well. 

"What the fuck? I texted you an hour ago telling you I was on my way!" Louis screamed. He groaned and pushed passed Harry. As he stepped inside, he noticed Harry's almost nakedness and gulped. He shook his head and walked towards the kitchen. 

"Um, good morning to you too. I didn't get your text." Harry said, stretching his arms above his head and yawning.

Louis pulled the refrigerator open and grabbed the milk and Lucky Charms. He remembered where the bowls were and started to build his breakfast. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go get ready! We have a reservation at two."

"Okay! Alright. Gosh, let a man wake up." Harry said, holding his arms up in mock surrender. He picked up his robe and walked towards the stairs. 

Louis sat down on the table. He as well could feel the emptiness this house exerted. He shook his head. This was a bad start. Not only had he just walked past Harry and into his house like they were best friends again, he went and snooped through his kitchen and got whatever the hell he felt like. Louis slapped his hand to his forehead. So stupid! Get a grip, you guys aren't friends, you're only pretending to be, he said to himself. He took one last bite and then put the bowl by the sink. Harry could wash it later. 

He roamed around the house, Looking at new and old things. There were still pictures of the boys from five years ago, pictures of Harry's family, and there was still a picture of all the boys family's taking a group photo. They were all placed perfectly on the fireplace so that they would be seen by anyone who walked in. 

Harry had always liked photographing everything and anything. It used to piss Louis off, but now it seemed like Harry got to keep memories that Louis didn't. Louis recalled that most pictures Harry had taken were of him, but he had probably burned those. Louis sighed. It was hard to be mean to someone that you had loved for so many years. It was also hard to be mad at that person when you didn't know their true reasons for leaving.

Louis heard the shower start upstairs and he decided to walk up there and inspect some more. He opened door after door, but they were all the same old boring bedrooms, or bathrooms, or computer room, or filled with boxes, or the gym room. Finally, Louis opened a door and walked in. It was super bright with windows on three walls. Louis could the backyard pool and field, he could see the neighbors house and the front yard. Louis turned to inspect the room. 

It was a room used for developing pictures. Louis looked around, peaking through boxes. He found pictures of Nick Grimshaw, recent pictures of Niall, and old 1D pictures. Louis sighed. He was a little disappointed when he didn't find photos of himself, but it didn't matter. Everything that was, was over.

Louis closed the door silently as he walked out and was glad that the shower was still running. Louis walked to the double doors of the master suite, but stopped before opening it. Quietly, he opened one and slipped through. Harry's room had never ceased to amaze Louis. Everything was so clean and open. The light was stabbing through the curtains in every window and it make the carpet become lighter in color. The floor was so soft that Louis just wanted to lay down for a second. He walked over to the bed and stopped. He didn't want to touch it. Louis remembered that it had been six years, of course Harry had slept with someone. 

He saw the doors for the closet and bathroom. He was tempted to look at all the clothes Harry had, but he thought against it. He walked back towards the entrance doors, but stopped when he saw one picture by the nightstand. He walked quickly over to it and picked it up. He sucked in a breath.

The picture Harry had framed was of the two of them. They both had matching gray beanies on. Harry was smiling with his perfect pearly teeth. Louis was as well, but Harry seemed beautiful. Louis had a white shirt on as Harry had a blackish, gray t-shirt. They were both close together. It was only of their chests and up in the picture. Their heads were tilted towards each other.

Louis sighed. Those were the days. Those were the happy days.

The shower turned off. Louis bounced out the door and ran downstairs, he jumped over the back of the couch and landing on it. He flicked on the TV and almost burst into laughter as the porn came on. Louis quickly turned it to a different station and waited.

Fifteen minutes later, Harry came trotting down the stairs. He had on a dark green beanie with his hair pulled back under it. He Had on a gray tank-top that had a pocket on his left breast and it also had a red heart on the breast pocket. He had thrown on some casual black jeans that weren't as tight as he usually wore them, they were a little lose, but still skinny. He had on white, flat tenny shoes. Overall, he was going for a laid-back outfit. 

"I'm ready."

Louis sighed. "Thank goodness, I could have finished that porno with the time that you took." He got up and went towards the door.

"Oh, gosh." Harry blushed. "T-That wasn't mine."

"Sure. Let's just go. I want to get home as soon as possible." Louis said and opened the drivers-side door to his Porsche.

Harry pauses. "You think we should maybe take my Range Rover?" 

"No, I think my car is fine."

Harry scratched his neck. "Well, it's just that it's so small. Mine's a bit... roomier."

"Fine." Louis groaned.

They walked towards Harry's garage and both got in his Range Rover. Harry smiled, trying to calm his nerves he felt. This was it. He was finally getting his chance to take Louis back. But would he succeed? Harry hoped so. 

"So, how have you been?" Harry asked as he pulled out of his driveway. 

Louis rolled his eyes, but Harry didn't see. "Grand... just grand," he whispered.

"Look Lou, I know we made some mistakes. We went through hard stuff, but I'm ready to put that all behind me." Harry said. He had noticed Lou's attitude towards him, but he understood. Louis had every right to be mad. Harry had left him without as much as a goodbye or reason.

Louis scoffed. :That's easy for you to say. You're the one that made all the mistakes."

"Admit it, Lou. You made some too."

"Sure," he shrugged. "I've made mistakes, but at least I wasn't the one that gave up on us."

Harry could feel his insides starting to hurt. "I didn't want to! There was just so much shit! No one wants to live like that."

"But you knew that they were going to let us come out the next year!" Louis yelled.

Harry took one hand off the steering wheel and ran it through his hair. Louis had always loved to argue, but in the end all he really liked was the making up part. "Yeah, after you married El."

"But you also knew that that wasn't real! Gosh Harry."

Harry decided to tell Lou a little more that he had not known. "I didn't want to marry someone who had already had a marriage. I wanted to be the first one. I didn't want to be seen as second choice. I wanted to be the first one to walk down the aisle for someone."

Louis shut up then. "But it wasn't real. Fuck! Can we just stop talking about this? I don't want to get into it. You left me without anything, I mopped around for six lousy years, and you don't get to just come back into my life. No. Now shut up about this shit so that no one sees us fighting in the car." Louis threw his feet up on the dash and turned up the radio.

Harry could feel the wound in his heart. Maybe Louis was right, maybe he didn't deserve another chance. Maybe this was all Harry could ever get- A fake friendship and relationship.

"Where are we going?" Harry finally asked. 

Louis looked down at his phone. "To a restaurant downtown, but that's at two. We have an hour until we need to be there. Richard wants us to go out and act like friends first. Let me remind you, this isn't actually a date. He doesn't want this to be our first date. He simple wants the fans to know that we might be friends again."

"So just two friends hanging out. Cool." Harry said and parked the car. The two of them got out and walked into a shoe store. 

Louis went straight to the TOMS and Harry just followed. No one was out shopping here yet and no one had noticed them. Harry sat down as Louis picked shoe after shoe. Harry decided that they should probably start acting like friends then.

"You're foot is too small for that shoe." Harry said smirking.

Louis glared at him, but in a joking way. "Excuse me, not all of us have size ten and a half feet."

"I'm not embarrassed. You know what they say about a mans foot." Harry laughed.

Louis blinked a couple of times. "Are you saying I'm small?"

"I don't know. I'm just saying your foot is small." Harry sighed and leaned back on the seat. 

Louis huffed, but he found a smaller size. "I think I want these ones. And those, and maybe those two over there."

"Go for it. Except, maybe you should take that pair too. I like those." Harry said, pointing to the shoes Lou had in his arms.

Louis picked them all up, but they fell out of his hands. He was too small to carry all of them. 

"Here." Harry grabbed all five of the boxes and walked towards the counter. A girl was working and was shocked when she saw the pair. 

"This has to be a dream..." She whispered and then pinched herself. "Ouch!"

Harry laughed and put all the shoes on the counter. "We'd like to take all of these."

"I would like to take all these." Louis corrected. 

The girl nodded her head, but couldn't find words. She silently scanned all the shoes and kept glancing up at Harry and Louis. She finally got the courage to smile at them. "Um... That will be $270."

Louis reached into his pocket, but couldn't find his wallet. He had left it in his car. Damn it! He screamed mentally.

Harry was quick to notice Lou's dilemma and pulled out his wallet. He handed the girl his credit card and she was visibly shaking as she swiped it. "There you go. Um, would it be alright if I got a picture with you two? No one will believe me if I don't."

"Sure." Harry smiled brightly at her. He grabbed her phone as they mushed together and he took a picture of them. The girl squealed and then ran behind the counter. 

Louis and Harry walked out of the store, but they could hear the girl inside call a friend and scream. "They were hear! Who else? Larry Stylinson! OMG, I'm going to send you a picture. We need to post that on our twitter and tumblr!"

"Six years later and they still believe." Louis shook his head in disapproval. 

Harry smiled. "Well, they weren't wrong the first time."

"Yeah, but now they are." Louis said and then left Harry standing there as he threw the bags in the car. 

Harry followed Lou as he started walked to what Harry presumed was the restaurant. They got there and were quickly seated. The two boys barely said anything as the waiter asked for drinks and such. Suddenly, as the waiter left, Harry and Louis could hear something outside. It was screams.

"Oh no, they found us!" Harry laughed.

Louis joined in, playing his part perfectly. "Just like old times. It still amazes me. They never stop. It's been over ten years and they are still chasing us."

"Yeah same here." Harry said, smiling as he took a drink. 

Louis seemed to get uncomfortable. "So, you wrote a new song eh?" 

"Oh, that was old, but I just never showed anyone I guess. I was too embarrassed to." Harry laughed nervously.

Louis smiled. "It was good. Joe and I watched it. So did the boys. Good song. You know, you could have got in deep shit if that was a year ago or before that."

"I know. Honestly, I was freaking out when I sang it. My manager didn't even know I was going to. Plus, I thought it would help us. Get all the fans ready." Harry shrugged. 

To be honest, even though Harry thought the lunch was a bit boring, he was having a good time. It felt nice to be able to sanely talk to Louis without him having a fit. Harry smiled more genuinely now than he had in, well, six years. Louis seemed to be more relaxed as well.

"Well, I don't think that was necessary. I've been looking at twitter. All these fucking fans are crazy. Have you seen the fucking trends? All Larry Stylinson shit." Louis laughed.

Harry's whole body perked up. "Well, I think if I was a fan, I'd definitely believe too. I mean, all of a sudden you come out, we are hanging out, what's next? They are definitely going to expect something with the two of us." 

"I know. They'll get what they want too. That song... It was good shit. You wrote it by yourself?" Louis asked taking a sip of his drink.

Harry shook his head. "Ed came up with the music, I did the words."

"Got any other songs?"

"Yeah, but I'd rather not share them." Harry said, looking away from Lou. It was embarrassing all the songs Harry had written about them. It was a little over obsessive, but Harry loved Lou. 

Louis seemed to take offense. "Fine." He snarled and then looked back at his phone, texting someone.

Harry sat there, playing with his fingers. He didn't like upsetting Louis, he never had. Every time that he did, he would apologize all night until Lou finally felt bad too. They didn't talk. Their food came out and they still hadn't said a word to each other. What Lou didn't know was that Harry had found his voice when they broke-up. He wasn't the quiet, shy guy anymore. He said what he felt because he didn't want to deal with the stress that he would later feel.

"Look, we need to stop acting like kids. I'm doing this to help you and you are acting like a child. Just because I don't want to share something doesn't give you the right to get upset." Harry huffed. He was sick of Lou's childish ways. He wasn't gonna put up with it.

When they were together, Lou would get everything he wanted. Harry would sacrifice anything to make Louis happy, but Harry realized that that isn't how a relationship worked. Both people should sacrifice things to make each other happy. All Lou used to have to do was whine and Harry would give in, not now though. Harry was a whole different person, that's what life does to you. It corrupts your happiness and crushes your fantasy. But life also strengthens you, build you into a person that can withstand so much.

Louis looked a little stunned. "You've changed."

"No, I just speak my mind now." Harry said respectfully. 

Louis laughed. "Good damn thing too. I was starting to think you'd let me tease you all the time. It's always good when someone fights back. More entertaining."

"Ah, Lou, you haven't changed a bit." Harry laughed, but all he left was anger and Louis noticed. "Same sarcastic, immature, dickhead."

"You've got anger too?" Louis raised an eyebrow. 

Harry was actually taking this conversation to heart. Yes, he was angry and he wanted Lou to know. He wanted to understand all the pain.

Harry smirked, but it wasn't funny. "I've got a lot of that."

Louis seemed to catch on and his 'friendliness' slipped away. "Huh, me too pal."

And that's when Louis hit Harry square in the jaw.


	7. Chapter 7

"Cut it out! Cut it out!" Liam screamed, holding Louis back.

Louis spit at Harry, who was on the floor. "Fucking shit! You stupid ass bastard."

Harry sat up and grabbed his face. He knew that Louis hadn't broken anything, but he definitely left a bruise. The blood was gushing out of Harry's mouth, sweeping down the length of his chin. He spat on the floor then settled into a standing position.

"Well, that was unexpected." He uttered. "What are you guys doing here?"

Liam and Niall had appeared expeditiously from the back kitchen as soon as Louis had percussed Harry. If it wasn't for them appearing, Louis felt that he would have continued to repeatedly beat Harry. It was as if the animosity was there, steadily increasing inside of him, eating at him. Lately, he had been undoubtedly angry at Harry, especially after hearing that they were supposed to act like friends again.

Niall laughed a little. "Well, we knew something would happen. Six years about and you are left alone with each other? Knew it wasn't a good idea." Niall placed his hand towards Liam.

"Here," Liam grumbled then handed over a hundred dollars.

"You made a fucking bet on us?" Louis yelled and then released himself from Liam's grasp.

Harry walked over to Liam too and collected his one hundred dollars.

Louis looked appalled. "You? Bastard! Dick! Fucking dick! You mess everything up, you know? I was doing fine, perfectly fine. You come along and... and... I fucking hate you. I hate you. Do you know how many times I slept outside your house? How many times I called you and received no answer? How many times I waited for answers?That's pretty fucked up for a boyfriend of three years to do."

"You know what's also pretty fucked up Lou?" Harry snickered. "For a boyfriend of three years to marry someone else."

Harry twisted around and left the restaurant. There were girls screaming outside and Harry couldn't focus. He never could with everyone calling his name, wanting what he couldn't give them. Louis had been the one to calm him down, to guide him away from the chaos.

Maybe Harry had been a fucked up boyfriend, but Louis had never complained about anything while they were still together. Louis loved Harry at some point. They had been perfect for each other, but now... Harry couldn't understand how everything changed so drastically. It hurt, it really did. Harry would cry in the shower, just so that no one could hear him sob. He used to wait for all the boys to fall asleep until he fell apart. The people that seem 'strong' are the ones that break down when no one can see. Their laughs and smiles are fabricated from lies and sadness, but the words 'I'm fine' seem to fool everyone.

"Harry! Harry!" Niall called from behind him.

Harry turned around and smiled. "Hey there."

"I'm going with you. I can't take more of Louis's crap."

Harry slung an arm around Niall and they climbed into Harry's car and sped off to his house.

* * *

 

"You know, the last time I was here I think it was Christmas." Niall said, taking off his shoes and sliding across the floor.

Harry followed him and knocked into him. They ended up laughing on the floor.

"Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were seen at this restaurant apparently after their dinner date, Louis Tomlinson was seen repeatedly hitting Harry Styles. We don't know the full story, but we will be updating soon." A news reporter said as they sat on the couch.

"They make it seem like I was attacked. Oh Niall, help me, I think I have broken ribs and a concussion." Harry portrayed.

Niall started laughing hysterically. "It's like Louis is a criminal. That's actually believable. He's pretty violent."

"It was just a punch, he hits like a girl anyways."

Niall snorted. "He kind of is one."

"Hey, hey, just because we're gay doesn't mean we lose our masculinity. I'll have you know that no one has figured out I'm gay because I am pretty manly." Harry crossed his arms and smiled in triumph.

"Oh no one except for the fifteen million people that ship Larry, your boss, your publicity team, so pretty much everyone." Niall pointed out.

Harry grinned. "Well, we should see what's happening on twitter after that scene."

They both pulled out their phones and scrolled through their feed. The trends were all about Larry or either of the boys. Some people thought that Louis was in the wrong, but some actually sided with them. Harry was a little taken aback when he saw quite a few people actually supported Louis. But most of the trends involved Louis saying sorry or Harry hitting Louis back. A lot of people were asking questions.

Harry shook his head.

"I think it's funny. Honestly, he needs to chill out. We all know he still likes you, he's just too scared." Niall said while falling onto his back.

"He has a right to be angry, I mean, what I did was pretty fucked up. That's why I didn't hit him back. Hey, I have a quick question." Harry added.

"Shoot."

"Who's Joe?"

"Joe? Who told you about him?" Niall gasped.

Harry raised his eyebrow. "Lou did."

"Oh. That's Lou's friend." Niall said slowly.

Harry scoffed. He knew Niall like he knew every line to Love Actually. "His friend? You fucking liar." He laughed.

"Well, yeah. They're friends. Boy-friends..." Niall whispered.

"What?" Harry yelled. "You're telling me that I'm just a cover-up for them? Now I'M the Eleanor? Bloody hell."

Niall shook his head. "Harry, this is the first person Louis has been with for a while, he doesn't love him."

"How do you know?" Harry crossed his arms.

Niall gave him a pointed look. "It took three seconds for Louis to agree to go on a date with you. It took him barely a month to say 'I love you'. He's been with Joe for three months and Louis' is finally admitting that Joe's his boyfriend, but you can tell he hates it. He always flinches when he says it. You are honestly asking me if he loves him? You are one stupid mofo."

"Anything could happen."

Niall smiled. "Don't you think that if Louis really liked or loved Joe, he would have made a huge fuss about dating you? I barely heard him complain."

Harry sighed. Certainly it wasn't fair to Louis to be messing with his heart again. Would Harry even be able to go through all the shit again? Would he even want to? And right now, Harry wasn't even certain about his feelings for Lou. He had just gotten punched, cussed out, and tackled by him.

There was a knock on the door.

"Five hundred dollars it's him." Niall winked.

They shook hands on it. Walking to the door, Harry had doubts that it wouldn't be him. He sighed and unlocked the front door.

Nick Grimshaw stood, smirking at Harry, looking him up and down like a hungry cat, ready to pounce.

"Hello there." Nick raised his eyebrows.

Harry disappointingly grunted. "What do you want?"

"Heard what happened. Just wanted to make sure you were alright babe." He walked past Niall and Harry, making his way to the kitchen.

Harry followed, scratching his head. "Look, Nick, I just want to be alone." He smiled. "With Niall."

"Come on, just relax. Have a little fun baby." Nick laughed.

"I want you to leave please. Now." Harry scolded.

"Come on Hazza, really?"

"The name is Harry. Please Nick? I'm not it the mood right now." Harry sighed and motioned towards the front door.

"Whoa whoa. Not in the mood? I'm never in the fucking mood when you call me at two in the morning to get drinks or go out or do whatever you want. So fucking Louis gets to just come back and I'm kicked to the curb? Not how friendship works bud." He laughed, grabbing a drink from the refrigerator.

"Get out."

"What-"

"You. Heard. Me."

"Why are you so pissy?! Gosh. Damn what did the fucking bitch ass queer do to you? He married a bitch, he forgot about you, he cheated on you, he left you after you almost committed suicide, and he wasn't even there when you woke up in the hospital. I WAS. He's a fucking dick." Nick threw the bottle at the wall making fragments of glass go everywhere.

Harry stood still. Niall didn't know about half the stuff Nick had just blurted out, so he peaked over at him. In all seriousness, Harry wasn't mad at Nick, he just wanted him to leave. It was true that he had been there for Harry through all his rough times, but Harry never saw Nick in that way. He never would.

Harry sat down on the couch, frustrated. He heard Niall and Nick fighting in the other room, but he just waited. Soon, the front door closed.

"Look, Niall, I'm sorry I never told you Lou cheated on me. It just wasn't-" Harry squeaked. He didn't want to think about it.

He turned around because Niall hadn't said a word. He was surprised to find Louis standing in front of him.

"Oh. H-hi." He stuttered.

Louis just glared at him. "You never told them?"

"Um," Harry started.

Louis looked at the ground. "Why didn't you tell them? You could have totally made them take your side."

"It wasn't their business. It was ours. It was only between you and I." Harry whispered.

Louis scoffed. "You know, you're making it really easy to hate you, but hard at the same time." He sniffed. "I'm mad ok? I've been mad for a while Harry, but I'm over it. I don't need you like that anymore. I thought that... I thought we would last, but it was too hard. I get it. I just want you to know that I am still fucking pissed off about what you did, but I'm slowly getting over it. I need time and I know it's not all your fault ok? I-I know I had a part in it, but I wasn't the one who ultimately gave up on us."

"I just want you to be h-"

Louis sighed. "Please, just don't. I can't be happy like I was. I've changed."

"Lou, you're still the same to me just hurt and broken." Harry reached out towards him. "Let me help."

"I-I-I can't let you back in Haz." He whispered.

There it was. Harry's old nickname that he yearned to hear coming through those lips and rolling off Lou's tongue. Instead of breaking his heart even more, it seemed to pick up some broken pieces and put them back together.

Harry hesitated. "You don't have to. Just let me make you and Joe happy. I can help."

"You found out?"

"Yeah. I'll help you, but we have to stop this revenge shit." Harry stated.

Louis cracked a smile. "It felt good to hit your sorry ass you know? Bloody hell that was amazing."

Harry laughed over at him and started walking him to the front door. Finally, Lou turned to Harry and stood there, not sure what to do.

"Bye." Louis said.

Harry smiled a genuine smile. "Goodnight." He pulled Louis in for a hug but somehow ended up leaning forward. His lips connected with Louis's and they briefly, but surely kissed Louis for a second or two. Harry pulled away, frightened not by his action, but of the feelings that were bubbling inside of him. Even when Lou was in the same room, Harry felt something in his gut. It wasn't love, but longing. Maybe he was longing for love, or just desperate to have Lou, but he knew he needed him. Louis stood still, shocked.

Louis shoved Harry away from him. "You fucked up again. I didn't give you permission to kiss me," He sighed roughly. "The only reason I'm doing this is because I want people to get used to me being gay. I want Joe, Harry. I don't want you, don't you get that?" Louis's eyes filled with water. He put on his beanie and left, slamming the door in Harry's face.

What did I do? Harry cried. How could he fuck up so much in one day? Gosh, he was stupid, he really was. Anyone could see that Lou didn't have the hots for Harry anymore. It was clear and Harry realized it a little too late. 'I don't want you anymore,' was what Lou had just told him. The words rang in his head, banging him around. There was no chance, no way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for whoever reads this. I have so much homework and school takes up all my time! I usually upload on weekend! Sorry Loves. 
> 
> Ugh, this chapter is horrible, but I didn't have any other ideas :( ahhh


	8. Chapter 8

Harry continued to stare at the ceiling, letting the sun stream in through the windows and hit his body as he lay on the ground. He wasn't thinking about anything in particular, just letting his mind run. He remembered what it was like to be a kid; innocent and sweet. He remembered his high school years and all the tormenting he got for being an openly bi boy. It wasn't easy, that's for sure. He remembered going on the X-Factor, never actually believing he could make it, never thinking or considering that he would meet the love of his life there. And finally, though he tried not to recall it, he remembered leaving. He remembered why.

*FLASHBACK*

"Lou? Hey, Babe, are you here?" Harry called out into the seemingly empty house. He had just come back from the studio. Louis had went out for drinks with Eleanor before, so he couldn't make it, but promised he would be back before Harry was home. Harry smiled as he saw Louis's phone on the counter. "Come out, come out, where ever you are."

Harry set down his back and pulled off his jacket. He snuck through each room, trying to find the hiding Louis. "Come on Lou."

Harry heard shuffling. He grinned and popped around the corner of the wall. No one was there. "Lou? Don't fuck with me."

Harry began to have a panic attack. A thousand horrible things crossed his mind at once. Did Lou even make it home? Had something gone wrong? Had he gotten in a car accident on the way back? Why hadn't he called? Did he get jumped? Did someone hurt him? Not once did the seemingly impossible thought cross him mind.

Again, there was shuffling from upstairs. Harry rushed up to the bedroom, flinging the door open. "W-what?"

He turned around and ran as fast as he could. "No," he thought. "Louis, no."

He heard someone running after him, calling his name maybe, but he was deaf right now. He grabbed his jacket, making his way to the front door, but someone pulled on the hood and he turned around.

"Haz. No, this was a mistake. All a mistake." Louis cried. He had bloodshot eyes, indicating that he was drunk. His clothes were gone, he stood fully naked in front of Harry.

Harry's body was jerking violently, unable to keep still as salty teardrops fell down his face. He was in denial, yet angry because he knew. Harry had seen them, he had seen Louis hover over her body, kissing her lips as he went inside her. He had heard him whispering sweet nonsense into her ear and thrust inside of her. He had seen his boyfriend make love to somebody else.

He had seen LOU make love to somebody else.

He had seen LOU make love to Eleanor.

"We need to talk about this." Louis said.

Harry laughed hysterically. "Talk about what? T-there's nothing to talk about LOUIS."

Louis's mouth fell open. Harry hadn't called him by his full name in three years. It stung, he knew it was done right there. There was no forgiving. No forgetting. No second chances.

"Haz, please."

Harry snapped at him, turning cold. "You want me to fucking just forgive you like that? You're fucking stupid you prick! You were fucking a girl! I don't care if you were drunk or not. I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND. People who love each other don't do that. I would never do that shit to you. I'm leaving."

"But-" Louis started.

Harry punched him. "I don't want to listen to any of your lies you gay prick. I loved you and this is what I get Louis? Well, go suck someone else's dick."

He walked out the door, falling against it, crying into his arms. This wasn't just pain, it was Hell. Harry screamed his heart out, just sitting there and screaming while Louis just probably went back to bed, able to let his frustration out on Eleanor. Harry screamed and screamed until it hurt too much to yell anymore.

Until he couldn't scream.

Until he couldn't take it.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

 

Harry fell onto his knees, unable to stand from the pain he felt internally. He clutched his wheezing stomach and began to gag. Anxiety started to chase after him. Those were bitter memories. He had never forgiven Lou, but he thought that maybe leaving him had made them even.

Harry was slowly recovering, trying his best to push that aside and move forth with his life. He had never truly wanted to leave Lou, but he couldn't stay with him then. Finally, he was now able to ask himself "am I ready? Ready to leave that behind?"

He didn't know the answer, but he would force himself to try. To try and love Lou again, to forget mistakes that were made.

He got up, emotions running inside him, through his veins. Harry had always had anxiety attacks ever since he was little. He would feel his throat closing, the walls around him getting increasingly smaller, his brain not being able to concentrate. Harry would usually faint in severe cases, but that hadn't happened in a while.

He sighed and went into the living room, where the phone was ringing.

"Hello?" Harry sighed.

Niall was yelling. Liam answered. "Harry? Can you come over here? We have a bit of a situation."

Louis cried.

"What's wrong?" Harry screamed into the phone.

Niall came on the line. "Get your ass over here. Joe broke up with Louis. We need you NOW."

Harry slammed his phone shut and ran to the garage. This was his chance. God was giving him a second chance to help Lou and maybe win him back. Harry stomped on the gas, putting the car into reverse, whipping down the driveway. He raced through traffic, swerving. He knew that cry that he had heard Lou scream. He was in love. And heartbroken.

LOU was in love.

Harry slammed on the breaks. He should have known better than to hope for something. He wasn't prepared to see Lou all devastated and broken. He didn't want memories to come flashing back to him. And if Lou had been in love with Joe as much as he had been in love with Harry, then Harry definitely didn't want to see what Lou would be like. He didn't want to know how he had left Lou.

His phone rang again, signaling a text message. Niall was rushing him. He shoved any personal feelings he had aside and continued to pull up to Lou's house.

It seemed different. Darker in a way. He parked the car and ran to the front door.

Zayn answered. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Look, I know how to deal with Lou. Let me in." Harry argued, trying to get past Zayn.

He snorted. "You think _you_ of all people can help him. You're just going to remind him of the shit you pulled on him. How you tore him up."

"I'm sorry ok?! There's nothing more I can say. I regret it. I hate myself. I've died more than I have lived these past six years Zayn, so let me find a way to liven up. Lou can help me and I can help him." Harry pushed past, not waiting for a response.

Liam and Niall were both sitting on the couch, looking exhausted. They had their head in their hands. Harry came up to them.

"Where is he?" He simply asked.

Niall looked up. "You don't want to talk to him mate. Right now he is one crazy MoFo."

"Where is he?" Harry asked again.

Liam answered this time. "In your old room."

Harry felt something tug at his heart. He climbed the stairs, hearing someone sob, then yell, then a crash, and a sob again. Harry ran to the door. He flung it open and saw a small boy, covered in cuts.

"Lou!" Harry ran over to him and dropped to his knees. "Stop it." Harry whispered, while trying to take the glass away from him.

Louis whined like a kid, crying even more when he heard Harry's voice. "No. Leave me."

"Stop it." Harry said calmly.

Louis got mad. He turned around and starting hitting Harry's chest. "Let me do it! Let me do it you fucking dick."

"It's ok. It's ok, Lou." Harry whispered, trying to encircle his arms around Louis.

"Stop it! Give me it back!" Louis yelled again.

Harry finally was able to wrap his arms around Lou. "Stop, Love. It's ok."

"Y–you fucking b–bastard." Louis cried and then clenched Harry's shirt, just crying an oceans worth of tears.

Harry grasped Lou, just smoothing his hair down and whispering sweet nonsense into his ear. Lou gave up then and just let Harry be near him. He didn't care right now that this boy had also left him without a single reason. Harry was here. That was all. Louis finally fell asleep in Harry's arms, where he was being cradled. Harry got up and walked to Lou's bedroom. He opened the door, noticing that there was broken glass in here as well. Clothes were thrown everywhere. Dishes were covering counter tops and scattered everywhere. Harry sighed, then put Lou down on his bed.

Harry couldn't leave. What if Lou woke up, with no one around and decided to try cutting himself again? What if he got drunk and left the house? No, Harry needed to stay and fix everything. The room would have to be cleaned, then Harry's former bedroom, and pretty much the whole house.

Lou whined when Harry let him go, but he was just probably having a bad dream. Harry left the room and met with the boys in the kitchen. There was still blood smearing his jeans and shirt, drying slowly. The boys seemed to take special notice to this and began to crowd around Harry.

"Did he really fucking hurt you? I'm sorry Harry." Liam said, shaking his head.

Harry laughed. "No, he was..."

"We remember." Zayn cut in. He seemed to be annoyed with Harry.

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt off. "You guys can head home if you want. I'll just stay here."

"You sure?" Liam asked.

Zayn walked by. Harry noticed how his fingertips brushed Liam's waist, but he didn't say anything. He glanced up at them and smiled. "Ya, I'll probably end up cleaning the rooms and stuff. Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?" Zayn mumbled to himself, but was hit by Liam's hand.

They soon left and Harry immediately started cleaning. He wanted to hurry and finish so he could be prepared when Louis woke up. To be quite honest, Harry was terrified that Lou would throw another tantrum, lock Harry out, and then proceed to cut himself numerous times. It was a scary sight. Harry finished the kitchen and started to pick things up from the living room. He heard plops of rain colliding with the ground and thunder starting to crackle. Soon, he was finished with the living room as well. He heard shuffling upstairs.

"Lou? You awake?" He called out. When he didn't hear anyone answer, he climbed the stairs and knocked on Lou's door. He slightly opened it. Lou was curled up in a ball, whimpering quietly. Harry flipped out, unsure what exactly was wrong.

A crack of thunder and lighting lit the room. Louis' body went ballistic. He cried harder. Harry quickly went towards the bed, pulling Lou into his chest. He cried, but let Harry hold him. Harry smiled, recalling the years when they would sleep together during storms. The first time had been on the tour bus, before they were together. Lou was shaking in his bunk and whining lowly, but Harry was wide awake, frightened for his best friend. He remembered Lou getting up and walking over to his bunk, asking to lie down with him. Of course there was no way Harry would refuse, so they were found by Paul, cuddling closely with each other. That's when it began; Larry Stylinson.

"Harry?" Lou croaked after a while.

He looked down. "Yeah?"

But Louis was already fast asleep again and Harry was left to wonder about everything and the past. Harry sighed, putting Louis down and going to lie down on the couch.

"Sweet dreams, Love."


	9. Chapter 9

"You think I'm ok with this? I'm not, and I don't care about the shit you guys try to fucking tell me. I'm looking out for Louis while you guys are setting him up for disaster!" Zayn urgently whispered.

Niall was silent. He didn't like fighting, he was always trying to avoid it. "Zayn, I think you should cut him some slack. I mean, look at Louis."

"You think just because he can fix a problem one time that it makes up for everything else he fucking did? You guys are shit. No, worse." He ran an angry hand over his face.

It was true, Harry couldn't just come back into their lives, but everyone seemed to long for it. One Direction had been a lost miracle that all the boys wanted. Liam sighed. Zayn was just jealous that Harry had come back and swept Lou away from him; everyone could see that. Zayn would never admit it, but it was true.

Niall knocked on the front door.

No one answered.

He knocked again.

Finally, someone opened the door. All the boy stared wide eyed as Harry opened the front screen, nearly naked except for his boxer briefs. He looked extremely tired, as if the boys had just woken him up. He didn't say anything, just walked back inside, leaving the door open. They followed, looking at the house. It was spotless. They hadn't seen this home so clean since... Well, since Harry lived here. They all gathered in the living room, squeezing on the couch.

"So..." Liam started.

Zayn quickly interrupted. "Why the fuck are you naked Harry? Put some damn clothes on for fucks sake."

"I'm hot." Harry blushed, but grabbed his sweats and t-shirt from his room.

"How is he?" They hesitated, scared of the response.

Harry smiled a little. "He's fine. 'S in the shower actually. Had a bad night 'cause of the lighting."

"Nothing else? No screaming? Cutting? Drinking? No attempts to kill you?" Liam was extremely shocked.

For years Louis had complained and threatened to torture Harry if they ever saw each other. That's why the boys took every precaution to keep them away from each other. But Niall had to go and be cupid for a day, invite Harry so that they could make up. They all snorted at Liam's comment.

Harry smiled awkwardly. "No, went pretty well actually. Listen, I was waiting for you guys to get here. I need to go."

"Where you off too?" Zayn asked.

Harry cleared his throat. "Um, well, I've got a concert tomorrow. Just gonna catch up on sleep and whatnot. See you lads later."

Harry quickly slammed the door behind him. All the boys were confused, but didn't say anything. They waited in silence until they heard shuffling upstairs. Louis' door opened slowly and then he came out in sweatpants. His beanie was on his head, covering his bed hair. He wobbled to the couch and then plopped down. He didn't say anything, just snuggled up to Zayn.

"You ok, Louis?" Zayn finally cut in.

Louis sighed, closing his eyes and pinching his nose. "No, I'm not, but I'd rather pretend I am for today, ok? Just... Let's drop it."

"M'kay."

"Where's Harry?" Louis asked, looking around his house.

Niall coughed. "He had to leave."

A little squeeze hit his heart. Harry left? Without saying goodbye? Louis plastered a smile on his face. "Oh."

Niall was the only one who seemed to notice Louis' discomfort. "Just walked out the door like five seconds ago. He has a concert tomorrow, so he's gonna go sleep and do his usual routine. You know him."

"I don't care Niall. I don't fucking depend on him just because he's been forced back into my life." Louis got up and stormed to his bedroom.

All the boys didn't take it personal. Louis was confused. He didn't want to let Harry back in his life, but everyone knew that they fit each other perfectly. They weren't the same, that's for sure, but they were their other half. Louis was the dark side of them both, while Harry was the loving side. It worked perfectly. Even Zayn had to admit to himself that Harry was the one for Louis, but it didn't matter what anyone thought. Louis had to figure it out for himself.

* * *

 

Harry sat at the bar, waiting for his fifth shot. He had a few beers and drinks, right now he wasn't able to see anything ten feet from him. He was giggling and nodding at whatever this man said to him, that was talking with him. To be honest, Harry didn't really care what the guy said, he was just trying to get his mind off the concert. See, Harry had a difficult time being alone on stage, even after six years of doing so. The crowds got the best of him at times nowadays, and normally he would end up in the bathroom before shows, gagging. There was no way to cope with it really, he has taken every class you could think of to get rid of his stage fright, but nothing worked.

Finally, the bartender decided Harry had had too many drinks tonight and demanded he turn in his keys.

"Hey, how am I gonna get home?" Harry whined. 

The bartender shrugged, but gestured to the man flirting with Harry.

"Oh, sorry," Harry laughed, "I have a boyfriend."

The man rolled his eyes and left. Harry decided it was time to go and called the only person he could think of in this state of mind. So he pulled out his phone as he exited the club and sat on the curb.

The phone rang and rang. 

"What do you want?" came the answer.

Harry cleared his throat. "I'm kind of stranded." He giggled, the alcohol affecting him.

"Haz- Harry, are you drunk?" Louis asked, clearly annoyed.

"Not really." Harry smiled into the phone.

Louis huffed on the other end. "Oh gosh, you are drunk. Where are you?"

"Huffington street."

The phone line went dead and Harry sat down on the curb. He was happy that Lou had answered and that he was coming to his rescue, even though he probably didn't see it that way. After fifteen minutes of waiting, Harry finally saw the familiar car pull up and honk at him. He got up lazily and opened the door. Harry rested his head on the head rest and closed his eyes for a second. He could feel the car pull onto the road and speed off. Louis always drove fast. Harry opened his eyes and found Louis in a gray beanie and black sweats. Harry turned his face away, not wanting to get caught staring.

"Thought you were going to get some rest." Louis finally murmured. "Seeing that you have a concert tomorrow."

Harry didn't panic, just sat still, breathing evenly. "My nerves got the best of me. I always drink the day before a show."

"You barely used to drink."

Harry smiled. "That was the old me."

"You're not that different to be honest." Louis rolled his eyes.

Harry's eyes closed. "I am though. I'm the womanizer now. I'm everything that they made me out to be. I'm what they had planned for me to be. I'm just like the rest of them."

Louis stayed silent at that. He didn't really know what to say because he doesn't know Harry anymore. Its been six years since they were with each other and a lot has changed between them. Harry has grown up, gotten taller, passed up all the boys and has matured. Louis has gotten meaner because of life. That's what it does to you, it wears you down until there is nothing left except a show. It's all a show for publicity and money.

"I don't feel anything anymore. It's like I'm the tin man, Lou. And I'm getting rusty. I'm not shiny anymore, the weather has damaged me. People have neglected me, forgotten about me. I don't have anyone. I'm alone." Harry smiled. "And they say that it's better to feel pain than nothing at all, but I don't think so. Pain hurts too much, no one should only have pain. I'd rather feel nothing than feel pain. It's better that way."

Louis seemed to feel a tug on his heart. On TV Harry looked the same, always caring, always nice. He was going out with friends with smiles always on his face, always shining like he used to. Louis never thought about how hurt he was because he hid it well and Harry never liked to complain about anything. He should have known that Harry was broken inside, ready to rot away and do nothing about it. Harry wouldn't even complain if he had gotten cancer. He'd probably think it was his own fault, blame it on himself.

People never actually considered his true feeling, his true life. His sister never talked to him because what he had done, his best friends didn't even put up a fight when he left, and his boyfriend? His boyfriend never truly tried to get him back, never asked for him to come back. All he wanted was the reason he had left, but nothing else. Louis had been a sissy. And no one had considered why. No one was really concerned with  _why._ They were all just furious. They were all so caught up being mad that they never considered what each of them had done.

Louis. Louis had stopped talking to Harry, had stopped trying to talk to Harry. That's what Modest wanted and they were controlling him. He had to push Harry aside. He thought that Harry understood why Louis was doing it, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt Harry. Liam was so controlling, always trying to make sure everything was perfect and alright that he had stopped talking to Harry as well. He stopped asking how Harry was and Harry felt neglected by his other band mate. Zayn always had Louis' back, always trying to make sure he was ok. When management tried to split up Harry and Louis, Zayn was always by Louis' side, making sure that only Louis was ok and thus forgetting about Harry as well. 

Louis came back to reality after thinking about it and looked over at Harry. He was still smiling with his eyes closed. It was a soft, sad smile. 

Louis could feel his heart tug as he observed the new Harry. It definitely wasn't  _his_ Harry anymore; it seemed that life had got the best of him, sucked him dry of all his positive, charming qualities. All that was left now was a lonely boy with no one to turn to because everyone had abandoned him and he thought it was all his fault. Suddenly, Louis felt like he wanted to throw up.  _Harry thought it was all his fault._ He really did, Louis could see it written all over his skin. The way Harry angled his body away from Louis, the way Harry always slapped a smile on his face, the way he tried to stay away at every possible cost. Harry was trying to make up for what he did. He was trying to make Louis feel comfortable around him, but Louis had managed to reject Harry once again. 

He felt bad. Louis could see the effort Harry was making and he could see how his cruel words have been affecting Harry. All Harry had been trying to do these past two months was help Louis, and what had he done? He had refused him again, just like he had done six years ago. Harry never had confidence now. It was Louis' fault too, he realized. When he cheated on Harry, he should have seen the way Harry's ego dropped. He should have seen how Harry was trying to please him all the time after that because he didn't want Louis to leave him. He should have seen the reason  _why_ Harry had left him.

He should have seen it. Lou should have seen it.

He should have seen how he was breaking Harry down and how  _he_ was sucking Harry dry of all his positive, charming qualities.

He should have been able to see that he left Harry broken the night he cheated. Lou was the one who left that night. He was the one that left Harry crying that night, cutting himself in a hotel room. Lou had been the first one to leave, and that's why Harry finally lost hope, got up, and walked the other way. No, it was never Harry who had left first. 

It was Louis.


	10. Chapter 10

Louis began to cry in the car as he drove Harry home. After realizing that it was all his fault, he had been overwhelmed with everything. He had felt guilty as well. Now he finally understood Harry and why he did everything. He wiped the last couple of tears and got out of the car, waking up Harry, and trying, unsuccessfully, to carry him partly. They made it to Harry's bedroom and Louis helped him take off his shoes and socks. He tucked him in like he remembered, and walked out. He looked down the empty hallway on the second floor and sighed. He remembered opening every door except the last one, which had been locked. He walked down, approaching the door. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. Louis knew Harry though, so all he had to do was go on his tip toes and find the key that was above the door. He unlocked the door and walked into the pitch black room. He flicked the lights on and he stood there, in awe.

In the middle of the room was a black grand piano. It was beautifully sitting still in the room, with the bench tucked under, but as you got closer, you could see the dents in the piano. You could see the areas where it looked as if it had been struck with an ax. There were fingerprints of blood hidden in the corners and on one or two keys. The walls were splashed with dark paints and there were holes as well. The room instantly reminded Louis of Harry and it was as if the room represented him. Louis began to let his eyes wander to a box set in the corner. There was the words ' _I can't take it' and 'I stand alone'_ written everywhere with much more. Louis approached the box and looked inside. _  
_

A tear rolled down his face. He opened it up and found pictures of the boys, all gathered for multiple photos. They all looked happy and they were. Louis sighed, wishing that he hadn't left and made mistakes. Wishing that Harry was still the old boy Louis had fallen in love with. He put that box aside and opened the biggest one.

On top, there were bracelets from Leeds, there were teddy bears and a blanket, there were billions of pictures of Lou and Harry. Each thing inside had a significance. Every thing posed as a memory. Harry had saved all of them, not throwing away anything. Louis found the necklace he had thrown at Harry at Niall's birthday party, the one that he never meant to throw, it had just happened. And now it was stuffed away in a box and it was yet another horrible memory for Harry. Finally, Louis was done looking through everything. As he was closing the box, he saw a velvet jewelry box lying next to a letter at the bottom. He picked up the box and opened it. 

Inside was a ring. It was a thick silver wedding band with three separate layers, each layer having diamonds circling around the ring. It was a bit much, but it was beautiful and something that Harry would definitely pick out. Louis continued to stare at it, holding it between both his hands. He finally slipped it on and sighed as it fit him perfectly. IT seemed too perfect, as if only made for Louis. He quickly took it off, afraid that the lump in his throat would finally break loose. Engraved on the inside was _Half a Heart Without You, Lou._  

"I got it when we were still on the X-Factor." Someone spoke from the door entrance.

Louis flipped his head around, startled. He gulped, not prepared to speak because he was still in shock. "What?"

"I got that ring the day that we got voted off the X-Factor. I chickened out later though 'cause I thought it was a bit soon for you. So, after three years I wrote  _Half a Heart_ about us. I guess since I couldn't give you the ring, I wrote you the song, though you didn't know how special it was to me." Harry was half asleep, trying not to fall to the floor. Instead he sat down close to Louis. "You know, you shouldn't go snooping through other peoples things, Lou. Never know what you might find."

Louis crawled over to him, leaning against the wall as well. "H-Haz..."

"I don't want pity. I'm over it." Harry panicked.

"It's okay to be mad."

Louis would do this in the past years. Harry would think that he was totally fine after a rough day, and when he would get home Louis would just say 'it's ok' until Harry broke down and told Louis what had been eating at him all day. Sometimes Harry didn't even know that he was sad until Louis said those two words. But Harry couldn't take this right now. He could still feel the unresolved mistakes hanging in the air that neither of them would address. This was too much. It was too much how Louis was here, going through his secrets, finding everything Harry had kept locked away. It wasn't fair that Lou could just enter his life and Harry couldn't even put up an actual fight. No, Louis had always been his worst weakness, and it wasn't a good thing. Louis would be his Achilles' heel. He would be the cause of his greatest downfall, yet Harry was paralyzed, able to do nothing but want him even more.

Louis was taken back. He kept forgetting that this boy wasn't the innocent, immature, dependent boy he used to know. He kept failing to remember that his boy was broken and he couldn't be put back together. This wasn't like the movies where Louis would be able to pick him up and glue him. Life would just come back and drown him. Even now, right now with Louis in the room, Harry was drowning. Louis could see it, and he was able to do nothing but watch in horror and fascination as each wave came, drowned him to the point of death, and then Harry resurfaced at the last moment.

Louis didn't dare look at Harry. He didn't know what he would see and he didn't want to witness Harry drowning.

"I got that ring the day I found you cheating." Harry sniffed. He was crying.

Louis felt his shoulders hunch and felt a lump leap in his throat.

"I was so happy to come home." Harry laughed and wiped his nose. "Thought you knew or one of the boys had told you and when you didn't reply I thought you had left. I thought you freaked out when you figured it out and you left."

"I thought you said it was from the X-Factor..."

Harry turned to Lou, then looked away. "I thought that would be better to tell you."

"I-I-I. H-harry," Louis began.

Harry sniffed again. "No, I'm sorry." He stood up and wiped his face on his shirt.

Louis didn't understand. Harry was a confusing person nowadays. "What? For what?"

"We can’t escape the fact that I wasn't enough for you. I knew that was going to happen. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I was always scared that you would realize you could do better. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman or man. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I don't hate you for not loving me anymore, but I hate myself for still loving you. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much that would hurt, but I was wrong." Harry's smiling while a storm is surrounding him, the rain is pouring down his cheeks, yet he chooses to dance through it; smile through it. 

Louis gritted his teeth. He couldn't take any more of this guilt. "I-I..." He couldn't say it. It was always hard for Louis to spit those two words. So, he said, "I fucked up," instead.

Harry's smile fell. Was that it? Was that all Louis could say about what he did? "Say it, Lou."

"I..." He swallowed. "Harry..."

A sob came from Harry's lips. He turned on his heels and walked to his bedroom, leaving Louis to stand there. 

"I'm sorry..." He mumbled, knowing that Harry couldn't hear. Louis would never be able to tell him to his face. No, Louis was too proud. 

* * *

 _"...I hate myself for_ still  _loving you..."_

Louis was on his couch in his house, staring up at the ceiling, in the dark, replaying what Harry had said. Gosh, he should have kissed him. The last time they had kissed was when Lou was with Joe, so he hadn't enjoyed it as much. Not to say that Harry was a bad kisser, if anything Harry had gotten better, but Louis knew that it came with experience.

He heard his flat door open. "What the fuck Liam? Someone could see us." Zayn said.

"He's probably not even hear. The lights are off. Come on." Liam laughed into the darkness.

Louis crawled off the sofa and hid behind it. He couldn't exactly see anything, but he could make out little movements of bodies.

"Ugh, come here you twat." Zayn seemed to be smiling. Liam got closer and then Louis heard the joining of lips and then moans.

Zayn moved to the couch and Liam straddled him. " _Fuck,_ Liam. Maybe-"

"Shut up."

"Like it when you get all dominant." Zayn whispered.

Louis was practically gagging. Ok, this was not acceptable. Liam and Zayn were shagging on his couch? What else had they done when Louis wasn't here?!

"Need you inside of-" Zayn began. 

Louis decided it was time to make his presence known. "Stop right there!"

Liam flipped backwards and hit the ground. Zayn zipped his pants up. Both boys got up and looked at each other.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Louis was trying his best not to burst. 

Zayn stepped towards him. "Lou, this isn't-"

"Shut it, Malik. How long?" Louis asked.

Liam cleared his throat. "Six."

"Six months? Six days? Six fucking what?" Louis screamed. He wasn't initially angry, but now he was frustrated. How dare his best friends keep this from him when he never kept anything from them. 

Liam coughed. "Six years." Then he hid behind Zayn.

" _You fucking bastards."_ Louis surged forward, but it was as if Zayn and Liam had the same brain and they both moved at the same time, dodging Louis.

"Stop! We didn't want to tell you because we knew what you would say." Zayn grabbed a chair and used it as a shield.

Louis was trying to get to him. "What? I wouldn't have said anything."

"You would have disapproved. You were in love with Harry. We knew you wouldn't approve of us." Liam interjected. 

Louis scoffed. " _Was._ I don't care what you fucking people do with your life. I'm not fragile. Do whatever you want! Fuck each other, shag each other. I don't care!"

Both boys looked at each other. They didn't like to see Louis so upset. This was what they were trying to avoid from the start.

"Get out. I need to think." Louis pointed towards the door.

"Lou, we-"

" _My name is Louis."_ He put his chin in the air and turned his head the other way, waiting for the boys to leave.

Zayn crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't see why you're so upset. See, this is what we were trying to stop. We want to be with each other without my best friend doubting us and not supporting us. You're the only one who has a problem with it! Niall doesn't care, Harry was happy, and what do we get from you? Huh? Louis, this is-"

"Harry knows?" Louis turned toward them. "You fucking told him before me? What the hell is this Malik? Out of everyone I would think my best friend would tell me first instead of the asshole who left me!"

Liam was pulling Zayn back, but was failing to do so because Zayn got right in Louis' face. "Out of everyone I would think my best friend would be happy for me."

"You wanker! I am! I just can't believe you. Really, Harry? Zayn come on." Louis frowned. "Why do I feel like everyone is leaving me for that stupid wanker."

"Watch your language Louis." Liam interrupted. "You may not be friends with Harry, but we've all kept in touch with him. You think he didn't go through the exactly same things as you did? If anything he was worse."

"I know! I know what I did was wrong, ok? I'm working on fixing it." Louis sighed. "It's hard. Look, I'm sorry. I just need time to process everything. Harry just told me he was going to propose the day I cheated on him, he told me he still loved me, and he-" Louis sobbed into his hands. 

"You messed up."

"I know." Louis wiped his face. "I'm sick of crying you guys. I'm done."

Liam coughed. "Louis, to be honest, I don't know if you're the best for Harry. I'm sorry, but I don't want him hurt again."

"Then I can just be his friend. I'll be his friend. I don't care, I just want him back."

"Well what are you waiting for? Why are you still here? Go!" Liam yelled.

Louis got up from the floor and walked out the door. He drove quickly to Harry's and threw the front door open, knowing that Harry never locks it because he's in a gated estate.

"Harry?" Louis shouted.

Footsteps came from the top of the stairs. Harry appeared wiping his eyes and nose. "What do you want, Lou?"

Louis ran up the stairs, right up to Harry. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Haz. I'm sorry that  _I_ wasn't better; I'm sorry I wasn't committed like you were; I'm sorry for making you feel abandoned and hurt. I'm sorry for everything. I understand if you don't forgive me, but please know that I didn't understand. I didn't realize I was cold and cruel, but now I realize that I am. I don't want you to wrap me in your arms and forgive me right now.  I just hope that we will be able to go back to when we had laughter, and the world was coloured, not black and white and grey. I am so sorry for hurting you. I could inflict all kinds of pain on myself, but it would not take back any I gave to you." Louis was crying, but he felt a huge weight being taken off of his shoulder. 

Harry stood still, he also had tears falling down his face, but he stayed quiet. Suddenly, he jolted forward and smashed their lips together. "I'm sorry, Lou." He said in between kisses. He bit down on Lou's bottom lip, then sucked it in his mouth. Louis was pushed against the wall, trapped there by Harry's lips and arms. 

Louis wasn't used to dominant Harry; he had never experienced it, and though it was a huge turn on, it was also difficult to allow it to happen. There was no question that Harry had gotten better, but that just reminded Louis of all the men and women Harry had been with in the past six years. 

Harry pushed his knee between Louis' legs and began to grind against him. Louis was slowly coming undone, not used to Harry having this much power over him sexually. His head was leaning against the wall while Harry sucked on his neck, leaving red marks everywhere visible. Louis finally built enough strength to push Harry onto the opposite wall and do everything to him. Harry seemed to agree, seeing that he didn't put up a fight. Louis pushed Harry's mouth open, then slide his tongue inside. Harry tasted the same as he did when they were younger and Louis couldn't get enough. He had been deprived of Harry for far too long.

" _Lou."_ Harry begged. Harry was grinding down harder on Louis now, wanted more.

Louis smiled. "So impatient as always." He laughed and then looked Harry straight in the eyes. As soon as Harry looked back, Louis dropped to his knees, unzipping Harry's jeans.

"Harry?" Came a voice down the hall.

Louis flew towards the other wall, struck with fear and disbelief. "What the fuck?"

"Hey there, Lou." Niall smiled as he came out of Harry's room with only his boxers on.

Louis' mind went blank. "It's-"

"Yeah, yeah. It's Louis. We all know." Niall laughed and then leaned against the door frame.

Harry was groaning was he leaned on the other wall. It was clear that he had a full on erection, no way to hide it now. "Fuck, Niall. Really?"

"Well, I wasn't just going to sit in the room while you two got off on each other! I could hear everything. Gross. Get a room." Niall smiled. 

Louis groaned. "Well, maybe we fucking could if you weren't here. Dammit, Niall. Always ruining the mood."

"Sod off, Tommo. I was here first, so I'm not leaving. Harold and I are having a sleepover." Niall laughed when he saw Louis' disbelieving face.

Harry put his hands over his erection and laughed out loud. IT was a full out laugh; something Louis hadn't heard in six years. He smiled over at Harry, knowing that he was the reason Harry was happy again. He went over to Harry and gave him a hug, holding onto his waist after. He kissed Harry's temple, which was not as easy as it used to be. 

"I'll see ya tomorrow, Harry." Louis let go and pressed his lips to Harry's'. When he passed Niall, he grabbed his hair and then shoved him away. "Cock block."

Harry smiled after he saw Lou shut the front door behind him. "So, let's finish the movie." He turns to go back to his bedroom.

"Harry? Can I ask something, though it's not really my business?" Niall silently says, then scratches his neck.

Harry turns around and it's evident that there is panic in his eyes. He knows what Niall wants to ask, and he's thankful that Niall is about to bring this subject up because Harry doesn't know what to think or do; his mind is clouded by lust, love, and unrequited feelings that he has had for years. "Go ahead."

"Can you trust him again? Could you live through it all again? Are you prepared to lose your heart for a second time? I don't... I'm going to be honest with you... I don't think you can take it again Harry." Niall was almost pleading with Harry to realize the damage he would not be able to take once again. Niall couldn't sit there without warning him.

Harry sighed and leaned his head against the wall. "People aren't always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. They are going to make mistakes, but you have to take that chance with love. Everyone's a work in progress, Niall. And I forgive him."

"But what if you're blinded by love and-"

Harry shook his head. "When you're hanging on the edge of a cliff, at the end of the line, you'll reach for any little thing to keep from falling, Niall. When you're hanging off the edge like me, you hope from anything.  _Anything."_

"You're willing to look past things and to give people second chances. But the thing is, Harry, some people don't deserve them." Niall whispered. "Do you trust him not to make the same mistakes?" 

Harry sighed and Niall saw the tears falling from his eyes. "There's this quote I once heard from someone. I can't remember who. Khalil something. He said 'you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy'. Louis makes me happy and I know that though he is capable of killing me, he's also the only one that is capable of saving me."

"But do you think he'll be faithful, Haz. Say it. Say what you're thinking."

Harry slid to the floor. "I don't know."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Harry sings in this chapter is Define Me by Ryan Amador. All the credit for that song goes to him. :D

"You guys ready?" Harry screamed into the microphone. 

The crowd yelled at the top of there lungs and Harry probably would have gone deaf if he wasn't used to this already.

He laughed into the microphone. "This last song really means a whole lot to be because I've been marked as a cliche. I've been put down by hateful words and saddening comments, but you know what? This song is a big fuck you to all those negative things. This is about me being undefined by anyone. This song is about being able to love who you want without being judged if it is a man or a women. This song is us saying that you can all say whatever you want about us, but we belong here. This is my love song and I wanted someone to sing it with me so I invited a friend. Come on out Lou!"

Louis came out from the stage and walked his way over to Harry, who was standing in the middle of the arena. Louis smiled and waved as everyone cheered for him. 

"Hello there. Bet you guys didn't except to see me." He laughed.

Once they were by each other, the music began and they sung:

[Harry] _"Define me with all your words_

  _Then find me a lesson to be learned_

 _Try to brand me or burn me and I won't let it hurt me_  

 

 

 

[Louis] _Define me as what I am_  
 _Then try me as just a simple man_  
 _I’m no harm to you, I’m just doing the best I can_  

[Harry] _And if I’m defined by what I do_  
 _Then what am I supposed to call you?_  
 _The shadow of a broken past you abused_  

[Louis] _And if I can stand on my two feet_  
 _I’ll break the wall where we will meet_  
 _I’ll document our combination for you_  

[Harry] _We’re starting this party tonight_    
 _Where people will be undefined_    
 _And love who they want, when the judgment is done_  
 _And won’t have to hide_

[Louis] _We’re starting this party right now_  
 _Where people can shake off their doubts_  
 _And send out their love as it moves through the crowd_  
 _And people can shout_

[Harry] _That they love a man_  
[Louis] _Or they love a woman_  
[Harry] _And no one will be judged for love_  
[Louis] _And I can’t be judged for who I am_

[Harry]  _Define me with broad cliches_  
[Louis]  _But I won’t undergo any hate for a stranger’s mistakes_  
[Harry] _I've struggled through the boundaries of society’s needs_  
[Louis]  _And now I’m not trying to please_  
[Both]  _It’s freeing_

[Harry] _Define me as God’s child_  
[Louis]  _I am human and we’re all in the wild_  
[Harry]  _This Earth is as much mine as yours in the end_  
[Both]  _So let’s unite as friends_

[Harry] _But if I can lie in nature’s bed_  
 _Without the roses killing me dead_  
 _I think the Earth has got a point_  
 _And we’re a moving joint_

[Louis] _And if I can say my prayers at night_  
 _I think I’m doing something right_  
 _Let’s open up a song of safety_  
 _And carry through the night_

[Both]  _We’re starting this party tonight_  
 _Where people will be undefined_  
 _And love who they want, when the judgment is done_  
 _And won’t have to hide_

[Both] _We’re starting this party right here_  
 _Where people will shake off fears_  
 _And mass tolerance is replaced with resistance_  
 _And everyone cheers_

[Both] _That they love a man_  
 _Or they love a woman_  
 _And no one will be judged for love_  
 _And I can’t be judged for who I am."_

 

Harry was crying by the end of the song, not really for any particular reason, it was just relieving to finally be able to say that words meant nothing. He was glad that this song would motivate people to say encouraging words instead of insults. This song was about Harry and his struggle and what he thought about everything. He wanted everyone to get along. He wanted to be able to love whoever he wanted without someone judging him or saying negative comments. 

Harry wiped his eyes and then turned to smiled at Lou, who had gotten up and put his arm around Harry. They looked at each other silently for a moment and then Louis busted into laughter. It wasn't a teasing laugh, it was an awe laugh. 

"You guys wanna know a secret?" Louis hissed into the microphone.

As everyone shouted, Louis removed his arms from Harry and then grabbed his face in his palms. Harry's eyes widened, knowing that Louis was going to kiss him. Harry was mentally shouting no, it was an instinctive reaction. But as Louis leaned in, Harry found his body responding instantly. This moment would change everything and it was a shock to Harry because he didn't mind at all. He wasn't afraid anymore. 

Louis pushed his lips onto Harrys' mouth and then continued to pry his lips open and slip his tongue inside. Both boys could see flashes going off, girls screaming, fainting, and pushing to get on stage. Harry was the first one to pull back, knowing that some would need to get used to this. And although Harry felt happy, he couldn't stop the flashes of memories that filled his mind, reminding him of what Niall had said a few weeks ago about trusting Louis, recalling the day that he walked in on Louis and Eleanor. He tried to push back the memories, but he wasn't feeling to well now. He scooted away from Louis, trying to do so nonchalantly, but Louis looked over at him awkwardly, as if confused by Harry.

They had been dating for three weeks now and every time Louis tried to be intimate in the highest level, Harry had ended up pushing him away. He had lied slightly to Louis and told him that he wasn't ready, and then Louis stopped immediately. Now though, Harry could sense that Louis was becoming suspicious, asking Harry if there were different reasons that he didn't want to have sex.

The stage lights went dark and Harry and Louis walked down the stage until they were finally out of the peoples view. 

"Something wrong, Love?" Louis asked, coming up to Harry and kissing his forehead.

Harry turned towards him and smiled widely. "Nothing, everything's perfect. Do you mind getting me a water? Feeling a little dehydrated." He laughed.

"Sure." Louis turned around and walked away. 

Harry sat down on a couch in a dressing room and covered his face. As much fun as it was to be famous, if Harry could go back to that day that he auditioned, back to that day when he met Louis in the bathroom, he would turn around and walk away and soon as possible. He wouldn't go to that bathroom, and he would most definitely not go on that X-Factor stage. People didn't understand what it was like behind it all. You barely got to see your family, you weren't allowed to talk about certain things, you couldn't date whoever you wanted. Everything was planned out for you, and no ones life should be like that. 

Harry saw Niall poke his head into the dressing room. 

"Hey there, Harry." Niall plopped down next to him. "Great bloody performance."

Harry tried to smile. "Yeah, it was something."

"Something's bothering you." It wasn't a question.

Harry shook his head, but continued to stare at the ground emptily. "Nah, I'm just stressing on the tour. Not going to be able to see Louis for a while."

"You were thinking about the last time you left and came back." Niall assumed.

Harry smiled sadly. "I can't remember every happy moment I've ever had with Louis, but I can remember all the bad ones. It's funny to me how I hold on to something that I said was forgiven. Well, Niall, don't worry about it. Now, come on! I need something to eat then we are all going to Zayn's."

They both got up and left to find Louis, but Louis had been in the room when Niall was talking to Harry. He had known that was the reason Harry never wanted to become too intimate with Louis. This just said that Louis needed to prove himself to Harry, prove that he would never do that again. And he was determined to do that because he would never make the same mistake twice. 

"Wait up!" Louis called. He ran up to Harry and slipped his hand into his.

Harry immediately pulled away.

Louis was shocked. "What-"

"Sorry, sorry, Love. It was instinct, I'm sorry." Harry laughed. "I have to get used to this."

Louis smiled sadly at the ground and whispered, "it's ok," and walked off towards the van alone.

"Shit." Harry said, but continued to smile for the cameras as the flashes went off. "Louis!" He ran towards the van, catching up to him. HE pulled his wrist, turning him around, and kissed him softly on the lips. "I'm sorry."

Louis smiled against Harry's lips. "Just like the old days; fighting over nonsense and you  _always_ being the one to apologize."

"It's 'cause I'm smitten with you." Harry laughed. 

They both got in the car followed by Niall and security. Harry pulled Louis hand into his lap and gazed out the window. His heart felt whole again and it hadn't been like that in six years. To Harry, it was as if the sadness had mostly been lifted away, only his fears remained. His fears of the future and of the past. 

* * *

 

*Five Months Later*

"Look Harry, I've got to ask you about this one. This is a famous magazine This says you and Louis are a couple. There's pictures of you kissing!" The interviewer said as she pulled out the magazine, showing it to Harry.

Harry squinted, trying not to smile at the same time. "Geezuz. That, that is photo shopped." 

"So there's nothing going on between you and Louis?" She smirked.

Harry laughed. "I didn't say that; I just said that some of those aren't real. The real ones are probably getting printed right now." He slipped a hand through his hair, trying to keep from automatically denying the accusations.

The interview looked bewildered. "I saw the video last night, but you never know what's a joke and what's not anymore. So, what took you so long to come out? Why now? Why not back a few years? And were you together with Louis back then?"

"Um, well, the music business isn't something you want to get yourself involved in. You always have to sacrifice one person when you sign the deal, that's just how it is. I didn't know I'd be suffering as much as I did. I wanted to come out, to stop being seen as a womanizer, but management wouldn't let me, and that's ultimately why I left. Now, I've decided to come out because I've lived with too many regrets and I can't live like that anymore, I won't live like that anymore. I'm finally happy and I really don't care what anyone thinks because you can't help who you fall in love with." He shrugged.

The interview and the audience were both quiet. "So, regrets? What regrets do you have?"

"Don't get me wrong, I love my job and all my fans, but if I could go back. If I knew what would have happened, I would have never set foot on that X-Factor stage." Harry sighed and then bit his tongue, trying not to cry.

"So why did you leave Louis if he was your true love?"

Harry coughed into his sleeve and swallowed. "Um, I'd rather not talk about that. My love life is personal and I'd like it to stay that way."

* * *

"Management is trying to set up a joined concert with you, Love." Louis called from the living room, where he was in nothing but boxers. Lou's hair was tousled and going in every direction. He was laying down, waiting for Harry to finish making breakfast.

Harry snorted, sprinkling some salt on the eggs. "Yeah? Well, fuck them. I'm not going to."

"Be nice, it's not like they can keep us apart anymore, they seem to be loving all the press we are getting." Louis came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist. He kissed his shoulder blade and then turned Harry around. "Come on. People want to see us together. I want to be together again. One Direction."

Harry laughed. "That's not gonna happen, Babe."

"Why not?" Louis looked startled.

"Because, management isn't going to let me join your band anymore. People are making too much money off of One Direction and me separately. It's all about money, don't you see? It's all fucked up, but it's true." Harry grabbed the back of Louis' head and brought his lips down, slowly moving against Louis. He slid his tongue in, loving the sensation of Louis tongue fighting with his.

Louis was a dominant person, that's always what Harry had needed; someone to take control, but at times, Harry wanted Louis to do whatever he wanted, it was more fun. Harry understood that Louis being dominant had its negative aspects: Louis got really jealous easily, he was always mad at Harry, and he never took ownership for his faults. Louis somehow thought he was superior to Harry, but at the same time, Louis would do anything for him, no matter what.

Harry was the first to pull away and that's when their first big fight happened.

"Ok, what the hell? We've been together for six months and I'm not pressuring you to do anything, but, damn it, I need answers! We aren't uncomfortable around each other, things are just the way they were six years ago. I don't understand why you're being this way!" Louis yelled, throwing his arms up and hitting the cabinet.

Harry leaned against the counter, a smirk coming onto his face. He wasn't happy, no, he was furious. Harry learned to control his anger, that's maturity and it was very obvious that Louis was back to him childish way. "You don't understand? You don't fucking understand?" Harry said with a leveled voice.

"Look, I'm sorry that-" Louis rushed.

Harry laughed. "You want answers? Well, here. I'm not fucking comfortable fucking you because you were the dick that cheated on me. You abandoned our relationship and fucked me up ok? I'm fucked up now, no turning back. I told you I wasn't the same, blind boy that would bow down at your feet and would stand there and take everything you threw at me. I'm not okay anymore, get that through your tiny brain."

Louis blinked and opened his mouth. "Haz-"

"I can't even have a boyfriend without thinking that he's gonna do the same thing you did to me _six_ damn years ago. I can't flirt with anyone at the bar because your always there in the back of my head. You're always there with her, Louis. I'm going mad because you're the one that's holding me back from moving on. You're still holding me back right now." Harry breathed in, still keeping his voice leveled mostly. 

Harry hugged himself, sliding to the floor and panicking. The memories always brought him back to the day, as if he were reliving it. He cried and cried and cried to himself in his car after that, having no where to go. After he had collected himself, he went straight to Modest and told them he was done. He hadn't cared that they only had one more year until they could come out, he simply didn't care.

Harry came back to the present time and saw that Louis was next to him, trying to wrap his arms around Harry, but he was pushing him away.

"Stop. Stop, please." Harry pushed himself away as Louis obeyed. He scooted into a corner and just put his head between him legs. He wasn't going to cry, Harry had learned to build up a tolerance for these things. Every week, Niall and himself would go out or just hang, but the subject would always stray to Louis and how Harry still did not trust him. It was a fact, Harry couldn't trust him, no matter how much he begged himself. Harry realized that trust was an unwritten agreement that was between two people, and when broken, it could never totally be fixed. Obviously you could try, but that itch would always nag you in the back of your brain.

"Harry-"

Harry whipped his head around, looking Lou straight in the eyes, daring him to say another word. "I need to think. Time to think. I think you should go. You need to leave."

"But-"

"Go. Now." Harry growled. "Don't come back until I'm in bed."

Louis nodded, contemplating whether he should kiss Harry goodbye or not, he decided against it and just strutted out the front way. 


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't think you should just forgive him like that Harry!" Niall shouted, while throwing his glass in the sink. 

Harry sighed and slouched in the kitchen chair. "It's been nearly three days. I'm not mad anymore, I think he gets it."

"No, he doesn't get it! Look, I love Tommo just as much as you do." Harry gave Niall  _the_ look. "Okay, maybe not as much as you do, but I do love him. I love you too, though. And I'm telling you the truth when I say that Louis is a bastard. He strings you along and you're too obsessed with him to notice a thing. I mean, to be fair, he doesn't realize exactly what he's doing, but the day will come when I knock some sense into that boy and he's gonna hate what he see's in the mirror when he realizes what he's been doing."

Harry sniffled. "But I miss him so much, Niall. It doesn't make sense. Why do I love him so much if it's so wrong?" Harry looked at Niall with pleading eyes, as if Niall held all the answers.

"It's not wrong. Love isn't wrong, it could never be, but the way people define love or the way they think love should be expressed is wrong. Love is to give yourself to someone and care about them and just want to be there for them. Damn it, I don't even know what love is, but I know this thing between Louis and you isn't love. Maybe you love him, but he has a different definition of love nowadays." Niall ran a hand through his hair and then got up, pacing around his living room.

Harry hadn't been home since Thursday and it was now Sunday. Three whole days without seeing Louis and for some reason he felt himself breaking, little bits of himself cracking off and falling to the floor. He didn't understand it, what he and Louis had. Niall was drilling it in his mind that this wasn't love, but Harry knew that the first time they were together, from the X-Factor and until he left, that was love. Harry guessed that he just longed for that Louis back. _His_ Louis.

There were twenty-one missed calls from Lou and over thirty-five text messages. Harry was a bit happier with every text and call that sounded off his phone. 

"I really do think he regrets it." Harry whispered.

Niall pulled his hair. "Fine, call him!"

Harry rushed to pull out his phone and dial the number. 

It rang once and then there was an answer. "Harry?" A voice yelled and sobbed simultaneously. 

"Lou, I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't, Love. It's my fault. I'll wait until you're ready. Please, come back home, the house is dull and dead without you." Louis was pleading through the phone and Harry loved it.

Harry smiled and nodded even though it was evident that Louis didn't know. "Yeah, I'm coming. I'll just be a bit. Having some tea at Nialler's."

"You been there this whole time?" Louis asked curiously.

"Yeah, why?"

Louis snorted. "I went by his house Friday night, asked if you were there, he said no. What a fucking liar."

Harry laughed into the phone. "He's just being a good friend, Lou. Plus, I didn't want to see you that day."

"Well come home now. I'm waiting." Louis begged.

"I'm leaving. I love you." Harry giggled into the phone.

Louis laughed deeply. "I love you, you wanker."

Niall was in the living room, suddenly with two other people. Liam and Zayn seemed to have showed up, hand in hand, which made Harry smile. He walked up to Liam and gave him a hug. He glanced at Zayn and smiled. Niall was on the couch, his head in a stack of pillows, obviously distressed about something.

"What's wrong with him?" Liam asked, laughing.

Harry replied. "Thinks I'm being to lenient with Lou."

Liam quickly looked over at Harry. "Hm, has everything been alright? Zayn's phone has been blowing up, but he won't say anything. Did you two get in a fight?"

"Yeah, it's over though. I should be getting home though. I'll see you lads tomorrow, eh?" Harry waved as he walked to his car.

* * *

 

He unlocked the door to his flat and walked in. "Lou?"

Silence.

"Lou?" He whispered again.

There wasn't an answer, so Harry decided to check the bedroom. He had taken an hour to get back home, seeing that he stopped to get dinner. He walked in and Louis was asleep on his stomach, breathing in and out slowly. Harry's heart nearly broke after not seeing him for three days. Gosh, he _was_ obsessed. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Louis's lips. The boy instantly woke up, smiling at Harry.

"You're back." He said sadly.

Harry smiled. "Of course, couldn't stay away that long."

"I love you."

"I love you more, Louis Tomlinson." Harry pulled off his jacket, shirt, and pants. He climbed into bed next to Louis and wrapped his arms around the older man. He sighed to himself, content with life at the moment. Little did he know that three weeks later he would get the worst news ever.

* * *

 **_Beep._ ** _Hello, Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson. It's Harry McGee, from Modest Management. We'd like to have a meeting with both of you this evening. We'd love for both of you to be present at our office at 2:30. I assure you that you both will be happy with the news we have for you. Good Day... **Beep.**_

Harry woke up after hearing the telephone voice mail go off. He tightened his arms around a body and curled into it. He shimmied a little, trying to get comfortable.

"Don't do that unless you want this to get really awkward." A raspy voice rang.

Harry smiled. "Sorry, can't help that you're sexually attracted to me. By the way, you did amazing last night, was watching the live webcast. Perfect, as always."

"You sap, now get up and go make us some breakfast." Louis laughed and threw a pillow at Harry, who just smiled and obeyed.

He didn't dress, just walked downstairs. He heard the noise indicating that there was a voice mail left for him, so he played it. Instantly his mood dropped. He became very unsteady and was a little scared. Of course there was nothing Modest could really do to Harry, since he didn't work for them anymore, but anything linked to Louis would involve Harry.

He continued with his business though and soon finished omelets for Louis and himself.

"Modest wants us down at the office at 2:30. Wonder what that could be about." Harry said while stuffing his face with eggs.

Louis shrugged. "Probably just going to tell us that we're doing a good job." 

Harry didn't believe a word Louis said because he knew Modest, and they only phoned when they wanted something, not when they had great news to give. All of them were liars and Harry was glad he had left when he did because if he had stayed, he's sure that he would have killed himself by now. He didn't see why Louis hadn't tried to because Modest was hell. It was the definition of hell.

They both got ready silently, not awkwardly though. They would catch each other staring and giggle like idiots. They would slide an arm around each others waist, pulling the other closer to their body. 

It was times like these that made Harry Love him just a little but more. The way he would catch Louis staring at him from the other room; the way Louis would randomly kiss him in the most sensitive areas; the way Louis just knew how to handle Harry. This was why love had grown between them. 

Harry walked back into the room, and immediately saw Louis clothes left on the floor here and there. He picked it all up and threw it in the laundry basket. He walked downstairs, taking the laundry with him and washing the whites. He proceeded into the kitchen and found the milk and cereal left on the counter, a few flakes accidentally covered the counter too. He put it away and grabbed his shake. In the living room, Harry could see mugs of tea decorating the tables. He sighed, picked those us, and washed them. Finally, when he sat down, Louis came down the stairs, looking gorgeous. He kissed Harry on his way to the kitchen, probably going to make a mess again.

Harry decided that he needed to clean, always having OCD about a dirty house. HE grabbed the vacuum and started with the living room. He then when to the hallway, then the stairs. In about forty-five minutes he was done with the downstairs carpet. Something about cleaning always seemed to relax Harry, just the thought of focusing on something unimportant for a while was comforting. 

"Love, you don't have to do that." Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, kissing his shoulder from behind. "We can call a maid."

" 'S no big deal." Harry sighed. It was one of those days where he just wanted to be alone. He wasn't mad at anyone or anything, just thought a day to himself was needed. Dont you ever feel like that? Just wanting to stay curled up in blankets all day? Or just watching a show on Netflix? Maybe take a walk. 

Louis shrugged and walked to the couch, plopping down and kicking his feet onto the table. 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Feet off the table."

"Oi! Fine, Mom." Louis laughed, but listened.

Harry stopped cleaning after he had dusted and turned to Louis. "We have to leave. Best to get there early. Get this over with."

"I'm ready, lets leave."

They both held hands in the car, but it was more for paps then for themselves. Harry was just depressed today. He remembered his mom telling him that there is a certain point in a relationship where the excitement dies down and it just becomes a regular thing. The love may not go away, but the energy dies a little. Well, they've been together for seven month now, and Harry couldn't remember ever feeling like this when they were a band. Every day had gotten better when he saw Louis, he just brightened Harry's life.

They finally pulled up to the building, getting out of the car. Neither of them voiced what they were thinking, but Harry knew that they were both dreading whatever was waiting inside for them. Harry pulled his hand away when they entered and shoved it in his pocket. They were escorted into a room with a long table for meetings. They sat across from each other, silently panicking. 

The door opened and in came Harry McGee. "Ah, hello boys! Tell me, how has it been going?"

"Fine. Just fine." Harry cut in quietly. He had seen Louis about to sarcastically answer the man, but he didn't want fighting right now.

Mr. McGee smiled too much. "That's great to hear. Fantastic, in fact-"

"Can we get to the point?" Louis rolled his eyes.

Mr. McGee sighed. "No point in getting rude Mr. Tomlinson. I'm just here to inform you that the PR stunts have been quite successful. In fact, One Direction and Harry Styles are getting most mentions on twitter, tumblr, and instagram. Magazine sales have sky rocketed. Merchandise has nearly sold out of most products. You both are magnificent. Nothing could go better. I wanted to congratulate you both and thank you, personally."

"We were forced into it." Harry whispered, but Mr. McGee didn't acknowledge him.

Louis was shaking his head with a confused expression. "I don't understand. You wouldn't call us here just to say this. This is bullshit. What's the real reason?"

"You haven't let me finish. This is all for the fans right? To please them, give them what they want." McGee smiled.

"What about what we want?" Harry was whispering and it seemed like he didn't want anyone to hear, but of course he wanted everyone to hear that. He wanted people to understand that this was all fake.

McGee's smile faltered, but then replaced by a professional look. "Look, we are here to please fans, and we here at Modest were thinking that the next step should be soon. We want both of you to take the next step in your relationship."

Harry's eyes bulged out. He shook his head and looked over to Lou, who didn't look worried, if anything, Louis seemed a little relaxed, unaffected.

"It will get everyone to talk about you both. The shock of your relationship is vanishing. No one cares anymore, but they think you've been together for _years,_ so why should you two be taking your relationship to the next level? It's only logical that you do." Mr. McGee was looking at Louis now, not really concerned about Harry.

No one said anything.

Mr. McGee cleared his throat. "Obviously this is a lot right now. Go home, process it all, and then we will meet here in a month. Harry, you ok?"

Harry nodded his head and smiled, but it was like he was going to throw up. "Fine," he whispered.

"Hm, okay, well I think that's about it for today. Nothing else for you boys. So, I'll see you in a month!" And he was out the door. 

Harry tried his best to look like Louis, calm. They didn't say anything as they left, but when they got home, Louis was the first to speak.

"We have to talk about this I'm guessing." Louis fell on the couch. 

Harry scoffed to himself, but he knew he was just scared.  _Marriage? MARRIAGE?!_ He was barely twenty-six years old. Well, of course he's always wanted to be with someone at a young age, but Louis and him still had problems that needed fixing.

Harry sat in a single arm chair. He snuggled in it, not saying anything.

"To be honest, I don't really see a problem with it. It's just acting, yeah?" Louis smiled and took Harry's hands in his.

Harry pulled them back. "Acting? I don't want it to be all a scam, Lou."

"No, babe. Of course I love you and I want to marry you, this just speeds things up a little faster than we planned." Louis smiled.

Harry could see the joy in Lou's face and maybe Harry should be happy right? Harry should want to marry Louis and have kids with him and grow old together and die together, but he didn't. Well, ok that was a lie, of course Harry wanted that with Louis, but he needed to get over his fear of Lou breaking his heart. Lou.  _Lou._ Gosh, he could never not love him. Louis was like Harry's favorite movie; Harry could watch it over and over again, yet each time his love for it only grew stronger, each time he memorized the little hidden details that no one else could possibly see the first time they saw it. Seeing Lou look so happy convinced Harry that this must be the right thing to do.

Harry gave in. "Okay," he said, and yet there was still this churning feeling in his stomach.

"We'll sort out the detail later, okay Love? This is great, fantastic! We should call the boys, yeah? Well, not right now if you don't want to, but soon." He laughed out loud and threw his shirt off as he walked into the shower.

Harry sat there, closing his eyes, worrying because he didn't want to marry Louis. There was still this warning sign flashing off every time he saw Lou. It was a proper reaction, knowing what Lou had done to him six years ago. And if people were curious as to why Harry couldn't forgive him, well, it was because Louis had been the love of his life and at that moment when Louis was cheating on Harry, Harry knew that Louis hadn't wanted to be the love of his life. He had wanted to get away from Harry's love, so he went and found someone else for the night. That's hard to let go. 

Five minutes later, Harry found himself crying; crying so hard that sobs were pouring out of his mouth. And, you know, sometimes a weeping session can make you feel better, even if the reason why you had been crying hasn't changed afterwards. Soon, Harry found himself walking out the door, not leaving indefinitely, but just for a while. He needed to stop worrying. Maybe this would help.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

"What do you mean you can't fucking find him?" Niall yelled into the phone.

Louis pulled the telephone away from his ear. "I mean exactly what I said! I went to take a shower and he was on the couch and when I got out he was gone. I thought he went to the store or something so I waited two hours. Then, he just didn't come home."

"You waited until three o'clock in the morning to finally observe that he was missing? You dumb arse. What did you do this time, Tommo?" Niall was angry. He knew this was going to happen, it had always been unavoidable. Louis wasn't mature enough to fully love someone yet, and Harry just didn't trust anyone anymore. They were both disasters and yet they were perfect for each other.

Louis groaned into the phone. "Stop it okay? I didn't fuck up again. Nothing even happened today! We just had went to Modest and came back and he was gone." 

"Well, what the fuck happened at the meeting that got him so sad?" Niall was already getting into his car, making his way to Lou's house.

Louis shrugged. "I don't know. If anything it was great, nothing bad."

"What. Happened." Niall growled.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Modest wants us to take out relationship to the next level. It's not like Harry would object. He loves me."

"Did you even ask Harry's opinion?" Niall's voice was softer now because he knew why Harry had left now. IT was obvious and staring Louis right in the face, but he was such a dumbass. 

Louis started to speak and then held his tongue. No, he hadn't asked Harry what he thought, but he had seen the pain in his eyes. "Um, well..."

"So you  _did_ fuck up again." Niall laughed. "I'm outside, open the door."

Louis hung up and did as he was instructed. "Welcome, Nialler."

"No time to make fucking jokes."

Louis pushed Niall a little. "Why are you such an arse to me these days? I never did anything to you!"

"You didn't do anything to us? You made us believe for  _six_ years that this was all Harry's fault. Not once did you have the balls to tell us, 'hey guys, I cheated on Harry with the girl I was supposed to marry and he caught us'. Fucking dumb arse! You did  ** _all_** of this. You broke us up, you made Harry leave, and now you're just fucking with his feelings and not  _once_ did you own up to any of it. You got everyone to be on your side, you got the media to hate Harry, our fans to hate Harry and not once did the boys actually know that you were the one that deserved this. You deserved to go through Hell like Harry did. You took away my best mate and not once did you pay for it like he did. So, yeah, you did do something to me and I'm fucking  _angry._ " Niall shoved Louis back and then pulled out his phone, calling Harry.

"I tried that, he didn't answer." Louis whispered.

The phone rang six times and then someone picked up. 

"Harry?" Niall sighed in relief. He put the phone on speaker.

A strained voice replied. "I can't, Niall. I just can't..."

"Harry, where are you, come on, I'll pick you up and you can crash at my flat, yeah?" Niall tried to make his voice sound steady.

Harry sniffled in response. "Was it my fault, Niall?"

"What are you talking about?" Niall clutched the phone. No, no, no. This wasn't happening.

"Was it me who did this? Was I the reason that I stopped loving Louis?" Harry was sobbing on the other end of the line.

Louis was glued to the ground, staring at the phone in Niall's hand.

"No, you listen to me-" Niall growled.

Harry whined into the phone. "It's all my fault. I left him, Niall. I left my Louis. I left him for six years and now he's not my Louis. Make the pain stop, Niall. I-I don't want to feel it anymore. Every day and night I feel it. When will it go away, Niall? When?"

"Harry, you need to tell me where you are." Niall said firmly.

Harry replied, "I'm in a telephone box by Floosy's Bar."

"What are doing there you wanker?" Niall tried to laugh.

Harry was silent. "Why does it hurt so much?"

"I'm coming to get you." Niall was pulling on his jacket.

"I hate myself. Why can't I be good? Why can't I be there for Louis like I used to be?"

Niall sighed. "Because now you know how to stand up for yourself and not take everything he throws at you. I'll be there in ten minutes."

Niall hung up the phone and looked back at Louis, who was just sitting silently.

"This is why you don't deserve him," Niall said softly. "There he is, alone for the billionth time in his life, crying over you, thinking that there is something wrong with him because he doesn't love you. That's how unselfish he is."

Louis nodded. "I know."

Niall slipped his hands in his pocket. "Look, both of you need to grow up a little if you want to be together. Everyone knows you are both perfect for each other and that there is no one else in the world that is better suited for either of you. You need to learn how to properly love him and treat him with the same love that he treats you. Cook him dinner once in a while, pick up after yourself, don't expect him to clean and wash your clothes. Do stuff for him, that's all I'm asking. I'm also asking that you let him go, Tommo. You've got his on his knees just trying to please you and he needs to learn how a relationship should be. Equal. Until then, you both need some time apart."

"But, I-"

"Yes you can, Louis. You're his other half and he's never going to get over you and no matter how much you think that he will, he wont. You're going to wake up one day and realize what you did to him all those years ago. You are going to truly understand what you did to him and you're going to regret it. You're going to regret it so much, that you'll finally mature and take ownership for your faults. When that time comes, that's why you deserve him." Niall put his hand on Louis shoulder and then walked out of the house.

* * *

 

Niall pulled up to the phone box and jumped out of the car. He could see a figure sitting on the floor, crumpled into a ball. He wrenched open the door and saw a bloody Harry.

"What the hell happened?" Niall sighed as he picked up Harry and brought him to the car. "We're going to the hospital."

Harry just moaned.

Niall drove at the speed of light, flying through traffic. "What happened, Harry? Harry? Come on, oh no you don't, stay awake mate."

"I feel so bad." He whispered. "Needed to feel the pain I caused Lou."

Niall groaned. "Harry, you've gone through pain for six years, I think that was enough."

"No... No, no, no..." Harry cried.

Those who cry hurt, but those who cry alone hurt more.

"Niall, I'm so lonely and sometimes I can see how alone I am and it scares me so much because I know that being alone destroys me." Harry smiled and it was the most heartbreaking thing anyone ever saw.

Niall shook his head and wiped a couple of tears from his own eyes. "No, Harry, you're not alone. I'm here, yeah?"

"Yeah... You are." Harry smiled and then fell asleep.

And Niall pulled up to the hospital and handed over his best friend to the professionals, who would know how to make him better, who could only fix him to a certain point though. Niall hoped and prayed that someone would be able to fix Harry, and although Niall knew that one boy could fix him, he also knew that that boy had some growing up to do before he could do that.

* * *

 

Harry opened the door to his house as quietly as he could and then shut it. It had been two days since he had run off and Niall had found him. Maybe he could play it off and make up some excuse, say he was visiting his mother or something, but Louis would know; Louis always knew.

Harry tiptoed to the kitchen and grabbed some juice. He turned back to the doorway to leave and saw I figure propped up against the door. 

"Oh, hi Lou." Harry smiled easily. He was fine now. He was okay. He only had a break down once in a while.

The figure didn't move or say anything.

Harry coughed. "Look, I'm sorry about these past three days, I was... A little overwhelmed with everything so I-" 

"I know what happened. I was the one who called Niall. I was here when you talked to him." Louis said in a leveled tone.

Harry nodded. "Oh."

"We need to talk, Haz. We need to sort things out. I'm ready to listen to you, no need to hold back anything, I can take it." Louis stood straight, trying not to show any signs that he was coming apart on the inside because he knew what had to happen.

Harry shrugged, but was quiet. "Yeah, ok."

"Marriage." Louis whispered. "I sh-should have seen how uncomfortable you were and-"

"Yeah, wasn't hard for everyone else to notice." Harry huffed. "Soon as we left the office Modest text me, wanting me to go in alone and sign a contract saying that I would stay with you. Lou, even they knew I didn't want to do it and I can't believe that you didn't..."

Louis just stood up, waiting for Harry to finish. "Look, Haz, I'm sorry about pressuring you these last-"

"Are you really sorry? Because it seems that you're just repeating yourself these past months, saying 'I'm sorry for this and that' and then you get mad when I don't want to let it go. I'm tired of letting things go, Louis. I'm so, so tired, can't you see it in my eyes? You're wearing me out slowly and yet quickly too. Your words reel in my heart and seduce me, making me forget everything you've done, but this time I need more. Words won't fix it." Harry was still sitting on the floor, looking at Louis' pained face.

Maybe some would consider Harry an over exaggerator during this time, but Harry knew what he was doing. 

Louis nodded, looking at Harry and smiling. "I'm not going to say 'you're right', because it's obvious that you are. And I'm not going to give an excuse, because that's not the right answer, but just listen to me for a second. I love you."

"Lou-"

"Stop. I've loved you since you left the band and many years before that and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. In fact, I know I won't. I know- I know I've never been that great of a boyfriend, I've thrown a billion things at you that you didn't particularly deserve, and I'm sorry. I can't-I can't change. I've been like this for twenty-eight years of my life. I'm trying ok? But I need you here to make me a better person." Louis walked towards Harry, but Harry showed no signs of regret or sympathy.

Harry stood up and walked to the kitchen table, where he sat down. "I can't stay here, waiting for you to finally become a new person." He sighed and whispered, "don't you think I've had enough, Lou?" There were tears silently, slowly streaming down Harry's face while he closed his eyes. His voice broke as he looked up at Louis. "I think I-I'm worn out. Don't you think I deserve a break? Can you see it, Lou? Can you see me drowning? Can you see yourself drowning me?" Harry sobbed, but never covered his face.

Louis looked at Harry, his love, and finally saw what everyone had always seen, besides Louis himself. He saw Harry, dead. No, he wasn't drowning Harry anymore, Louis had completed his task in taking away Harry's life. All the years that Louis had fought and kicked Harry were coming back to him. He had always left Harry to pick up his mess or fix him when he was down, but Louis realized that Harry was a prisoner to Louis. The love between them was true, sure, but Harry was the only one that showed it. Louis had always held back, and it's what let to Harry's fall. Louis had kept Harry at his knees, wiping him whenever he wanted  and Louis had called that love.

Harry deserved better, Harry was the one person in the whole existence of humans that deserved love and happiness and children and affection and anything he ever dreamed of. Well, right now, that wasn't Louis and maybe that would never be Louis, so what was the alternative? Louis had to make the decision because Harry couldn't- wouldn't. Harry would always do what Louis wanted, but that didn't mean that Lou had to be selfish and drag Harry along. Everything clicked inside his mind and maybe this was the way things were always headed.

Maybe there had been no way to prevent this because Louis was the bad guy.

It had been Louis all along, all his fault, but he had let Harry take the blame; he had turned everyone against Haz and succeeded in making him suffer. Well, now it was Louis's turn, but he didn't mind.

Louis walked to Harry. "I'm so, so sorry, my Love. I know... I understand... Sometimes the answers are simple and the answer is: You don't love me and right now, how could I possibly understand how to love you. You're to perfect and yet I still find excuses to drag you around. I don't want to be the one to hurt you anymore, Haz, and if that means I have to give you up, then so be it. I'd do anything for you, Love, and know that this is the right thing for you." He kissed Harry's forehead and then turned around, walking away. He stopped in the doorway though and turned around, smiling. "I hope you find it all, Haz. I hope you find amazing, grateful people. I hope you feel things that you could never possibly experience with me. I hope you live the life you want, and if you don't, well, you'll be stuck like me. I'll see you later, Haz."

And Louis Tomlinson walked out Harry Styles life. He left Harry there, sitting at the kitchen counter, crying by himself and yet, he knew that Harry was finally happy. Harry was free and able to live life, explore. It was a good beginning for Louis and he was happy. In time, he would learn to understand and own up to everything he had done and this was the starting point. This was the start to love and Louis was satisfied with his decisions. He smiled to himself as he walked down the path to his car, which already had his things packed away inside. 

Louis laughed out loud to himself. "I love you Harry Styles." He got into his car and drove away.

Away from the love of his life.

Away from Harry and to the start of a new life, a new beginning where he would learn to love properly and honestly.

God, the things he would do for Harry, Louis smiled.

* * *

_Thousands of teenage fans of One Direction and Larry Stylinson are heartbroken this month. The last thing we heard about Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson was that they were both in a committed, passionate, and stable relationship. Now, it seems that after dating for a while, the couple has called it quits. Radar Online reported that Harry Styles broke it off with previous band mate Louis Tomlinson as their hectic schedules made spending time together a near impossibility._

* * *

 

_It seems that Hollywood's favorite couple Larry Stylinson (Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson) has called it quits. Louis Tomlinson, member of One Direction, was seen leaving their shared home Thursday evening with a car full of suitcases and furniture. Weeks later, Harry Styles was reportedly seen out with Niall Horan and Nick Grimshaw. Speculations have led to the idea that Larry Stylinson has been a PR stunt from the beginning. The couple was together publicly for almost a year, sharing romantic evenings and kisses with each other, looking like a marry couple. So sad to say that they are finished._

* * *

"So, Harry, it's obvious what everyone wants to know. Are you and Louis Tomlinson officially over?" The interviewer asked behind the camera.

Harry fidgeted in his seat and looked at her sadly. "Well, first of all, let me say that I love Lou, I always will. Yes, w-we had a falling out, but it was sort of mutual. Of course schedules made it even more hard and..." Harry went on with the lies, letting them pour out of his mouth so easily.

"You say 'sort of mutual', can you explain?"

He sighed and crossed his legs. "Well, I just think both of us were on two different pages really. He wanted to move forward and I was... I wasn't"

"Move forward? When you say this, do you mean marriage? Was Louis wanting kids and a family and a wedding and everything and you just weren't ready?" She was speaking kindly, but also curiously. She wanted the juice gossip while also trying to play it cool for Harry.

Harry coughed, becoming uncomfortable answering these questions. "Well, I want all those things too, just..."

"Just not with him." The interviewer finished for him.

Harry shook his head, no. "I think that's enough, please. Turn the cameras off. Please." Harry choked, " _please,"_ he sobbed.

The camera shut off.

 


	14. Epilogue

***EIGHT YEARS LATER***

 

_Today on Everyday News we have a major story. Niall Horan, former member of One Direction, has been in a car crash. The singer was driving down South 580 during a rainstorm and the tires of a semi-truck behind him didn't operate properly. The truck driver skid until he hit Niall Horan's car at a speed of 70 mph. The impact was so strong that he is reportedly in a coma. The truck driver is in critical condition, but expected to live. This is Everyday News at six._

Harry sat in the hospital room, holding the hand of his best friend. He held Niall's hand in both of his and had his head leaning against the bed. He could see the tears falling to the floor where they made a pool. They didn't cease, nor did Harry think they would ever stop. Life has a funny way of messing with you. Harry's life had been fairly well nowadays and then... this had to happen. He was mad too. Mad at no one in particular or at anything, he was just furious at life for always dealing the worst cards. And Harry always seemed to get them. 

He could hear himself sniffling and it was horrible. To cry alone was a dreadful thing and Harry hadn't done it in years because Niall had always been there. Niall had told Harry that he would always be there when Harry was down in the dumps or just whenever he needed a friend. Harry sobbed and felt his whole body shake. He was scared, scared that again he would lose another person he loved and that wasn't alright. Harry was a dependent person and would always need someone to be with him, be it a friend or boyfriend.

The door opened and he looked up. Harry smiled slightly when he saw Zayn and Liam walk in, hand in hand, happy as they could ever be, seeing that their wedding was a little over two years ago. Liam was obviously crying, not holding anything back really, and Zayn had a hand on his lower back trying to console Liam. And when both boys say Harry, a little piece broke in both of them. Harry would be the worst during this event and everyone knew it. 

While Zayn and Liam had been off in their own world, Harry only had Niall, which Harry shared with Louis. Most of the time, Harry would be with Niall, sleeping at Niall's, or just hanging out, but sometimes Louis would call Niall and ask to spend a day with him. During these days, Harry called up other friends or just stayed out, did chores around the house. 

Harry had been out with a few different lads these past few years, the relationships never lasting longer than a year. The shortest one lasted for a week and then Harry called it off. Of course, Harry could never put himself into it; he always knew that no relationship would click like Louis's and his. 

"How is he?" Zayn asked.

Harry scoffed. "How is he? How fucking is he? Do you see him, Zayn? Can you see that he's in a fucking coma or are you blind?"

"Harry I-" Zayn started.

Liam patted Zayn on the arm and then let go of him. He walked over to Harry and tried to hug him, but Harry pushed him away.

"Stop, I'm fine." Harry growled, trying to keep it together.

Liam didn't say anything, but pulled Harry in for another hug, which Harry reciprocated halfheartedly. He knew he was being a dick, but he wasn't that heartless. 

The door was flung open, almost hitting Zayn, and a heavy breathing Louis Tomlinson appeared. He was older, that's for sure, but he didn't have wrinkles or any signs of age, he had just grown into a man. He was also crying, which wasn't surprising given the circumstances, but Harry couldn't take his eyes off him. He hadn't seen him in seven years, obviously an unsaid agreement between them. Louis didn't stop or say anything, he just ran to the bed. He took Niall's hand in his and just cried. No one said anything, just let Louis do it. Everyone needed to cry and it's best to leave them alone and just be there when they are ready.

"Louis." Zayn said and walked up to him.

Louis flicked his head up, as if he was just realizing that there were other people in the room. " Oh, hey, Zayn."

"He's doing fine. He's gonna be fine." Liam interjected randomly.

Harry groaned. "He's not fucking fine! Why do you keep saying that? That just makes me have expectations. Expectations for him to wake up, expectations for him to remember us, me, you, everyone. What if he's not fine? Then what? You're giving me false information. Niall isn't okay. He's in a fucking coma. Is that fine to you?"

Everyone was looking at Harry now, who felt as if he was hyperventilating. He was breathing heavily and he wasn't okay. The fear was creeping inside of his mind, leaving him with negative thoughts. He grunted and then ran out of the door and out to the hallway. He found a random room and just walked in, finding that it was a bathroom. He opened a stall and sat inside, crying silently. Harry discovered that the silent cry was the worst because you want to scream so loud, but you hold the emotions back.

Harry didn't know how long he stayed in there, but he had a headache and his face was so puffy that it was numb. His eyes were glossy and looked sick. His throat hurt as if he hadn't drank water for years and he was just breaking down.

He heard shuffling outside his stall.

"Harry?" A thick voice called.

It was Louis.

"Haz-Harry. Are you in here, Mate?" Louis called again and it was evident that his voice had gotten deeper and sophisticated. It was sexy and formal at once.

Harry stayed quiet. He heard Louis pushing open every stall door until finally he came to Harry's door and he knocked instead. Harry sighed, knowing he was caught. It was a very awkward situation, talking to Louis as if the last seven years weren't important. 

"Harry, come out mate." Louis whispered.

Harry huffed. "No, I'm fine."

"Stop lying to yourself." Louis rolled his eyes and pressed his fingertips to sides of his forehead.

Harry opened to door. "I'm stable."

"Liar." Louis retorted.

Harry gripped the sink. "What do you want me to say? Okay, how can anyone possibly be fine in a situation like this? MY best friend is in a coma! And if I say I'm fucking fine then you should go along with it so that I can convince myself that maybe I actually am okay."

"It's okay." Louis walked towards him slowly.

Harry felt his eyes tear up. He remembered this, he remembered Louis always using the 'it's okay' line and making Harry spill all of his fears and secrets. It was simultaneously a sad and happy memory, something that Harry should have forgotten, but never would. 

"Stop." Harry whispered.

Louis put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "It's okay, Harry. Everything is okay."

"Stop it, okay. I'm keeping it together."

Louis put a hand on Harry's lower back. "We're in a hospital where your best friend is in a coma. Of course you're not keeping it together."

Harry sniffed. "Don't tell me something that I already know."

"Stop it, Harry. Just let it hurt, okay? Let yourself get sad and cry." Louis grabbed Harry and then pulled him into a hug.

The hug was awkward for a few minutes, but then Louis felt Harry start to shake and then Harry was wrapping his arms around Louis and sobbing.

"He's gonna die, Louis. Oh my gosh, what if he dies? What am I going to do? I c-can't do it. Niall c-can't d-die. He's always there for me. Every time I need him." Harry gripped Louis's shirt as if he was trying to rip it off.

Louis was shushing him. "He's gonna be alright, you just wait and see." Louis felt a sad smile crawl on his face, envious of Niall for being there for Harry when Louis knew he couldn't. 

* * *

Harry gathered his things back from Niall's hospital room and said bye to the boys. He apologized to both Liam and Zayn, who were too forgiving. He walked out, ready to go home, take a shower, and then return to the hospital in the morning.

He opened up his umbrella and walked to the parking garage.

"Harry! Harry, wait up." Louis called.

Harry turned around, watching Louis run in the rain towards him. Harry waited until they were both under the cover of the umbrella.

They stood in silence until finally Louis spoke up.

"So, how have you been?" Louis coughed. "Seven years."

Harry fiddled with his fingers. "Fine. Been into writing music for a while I guess."

"Yeah, I heard!" Louis scratched the back of his head. "Um... So you've matured. I-I mean, I've matured. And I t-think, well... I t-think. Would you like to go to d-"

Suddenly, Harry seemed to slip in a puddle and fell to the ground, gripping Louis's shirt in the process and taking him down with him. 

"Oops," Harry laughed.

Louis smiled down at him, leaning on Harry's chest. He stayed where he was at, waiting for Harry to lean in also, giving Louis permission to kiss him. Finally, Louis couldn't wait any more. He had waited seven more years for this boy who was the love of his life and he didn't want to wait any longer. He was ready, he was done soul searching and done facing his flaws. He had learned how to love and take ownership for his mistakes. He was ready to have Harry in his life now.

Louis kissed Harry like it was the answer to all there problems and somewhere in that kiss Louis expressed his regret, his devotion, his love. He showed Harry how dreadful and difficult life had been without him and also how much he had learned. The kiss was the answer to all the problems because it provided Harry with the information he needed. And finally, Louis pulled away, ready to start a new life with Harry.

And this time it wouldn't be temporary or just a publicity stunt.

It would be the real thing.

"Hi," Louis replied and laughed.

 _ **THE END**_  


End file.
